Sex blogging is taking the internet by storm and Fuck.com wants to keep you in the loop. Who's on top, who's on bottom and why you should give a fuck. Our 'Who the Fuck is That?!' interview series continues with our writer Kayla Lords and Exhibit A.
Who the Fuck is That?
Warning: contains cock.
He’s not exaggerating. Scroll through older posts, click on images, and you’ll find a man who shares his sexual perspective, his thoughts and feelings about life, sex, and relationships, and yes, he shares images of his body. These aren’t your typical dick pics. He’s not trying to turn on his audience (well…) but he does want to share his experience as a sexual being, a perv, an exhibitionist, and a man.
It’s a refreshing perspective for anyone used to the close-lipped, lights-out, refusing to admit their kink men you might have dated or fucked in the past. Exhibit A’s warmth and acceptance of other desires and kinks comes through loud and clear. His blogging has been and continues to be a journey that he’s kind enough to bring everyone along on.
I was honored to interview him recently. Here’s what he had to say (via email) about his blog, his relationships, and his perviness.
KL: How did you get started as a sex blogger? What is the focus of your blog?
EA: Like a lot of people back in the mid-2000s, I came to erotic writing and sex blogging through forums – specifically through Literotica. I was inexperienced and curious, and a blog felt like the best way to channel that. For various reasons I had to kill my first site after about six months, but the idea never really left the back of my mind, and when I was going through a period of low body confidence a few years later I decided to dive back in. Initially, that just meant posting photos, but gradually I got the writing bug, and now here we are!
The focus of my blog is sex – that’s probably the best and simplest way to put it. It’s a mix of photography, fiction, personal essays, and broader commentary, but sex is the unifying theme.
KL: Do you have a specific goal with your blog? How do you think your blog fits into the world of sex blogging?
EA: I don’t, actually, and that’s sometimes a drawback. Certainly, if I ever wanted to monetize my blog, I’d need to be much more focused and commercial about what I do – and how I do it. I have no real interest in SEO, for example, and I don’t want to open up my site to affiliate marketing or banner ads, etc. Beyond that, I enjoy having flexibility and freedom in my writing – if I felt I had to orient everything around a particular theme, or towards a specific goal, I think I’d find the whole process much less rewarding.
As for how I fit in, I think that’s probably one for others to answer. It’s certainly true that the majority of sex bloggers identify as female, so as and when I offer an explicitly male perspective I know there are people who find that interesting, but beyond that? I just keep trying to create interesting content, in the hope someone will enjoy it! That’s about as far as my ambitions extend right now.
KL: Is your entire sexual life fair game or are there parts of you keep private? Do you and your partner have an agreement on what you will or won't share?
EA: I’d say I’m more cautious about discussing my romantic/emotional life than I am my sex life! With sex, pretty much nothing is off-limits, though I am always careful to get consent from partners before I write about them – partners who know about my writing, at least. I basically don’t want anyone I care about to read something about themselves that would make them unhappy or embarrassed, so that’s my starting point. I sometimes have to balance that against anonymity – not everyone I’ve fucked over the last few years has been aware of my blog, for example – but where I can run it by someone first, that’s what I try to do.
KL: What was the most eye-opening or boundary-pushing experience you've blogged about?
EA: Well, there are a fair few candidates for that title! I’ve written about pegging and threesomes (MMF and MFF); about denial and public fucking (many, many times). But in line with my previous answer, perhaps the most boundary-pushing series of posts I’ve published was this one, about a previous relationship, how I fucked it up, and what happened next. Even the process of writing it proved to be unexpectedly emotional and difficult, but I’m glad I challenged myself in that way.
KL: I know you've had some recent changes in your personal life. How did your blogging contribute to that? How does it fit into your relationship going forward?
EA: Blogging contributed massively to that! As many people reading this will already know, I moved in with my girlfriend a couple of months ago. We’ve been together for nearly two years now (we started chatting on Boxing Day 2014 and our first date was January 8th 2015!) and met through our blogs, so it’s no exaggeration to say that my life would be completely different right now if I hadn’t started/continued writing. Or if she hadn’t found me.
As for the future, who knows? We’re both happy with the way our respective blogs fit into our relationship right now, and I don’t see that changing anytime soon. If it does, that’s fine – we’ll adjust accordingly. I love blogging, but my relationship with Livvy is the most important thing in my life right now, so that will always be the priority.
KL: You were named one of the top Erotica Blogs of 2016 and one of the top blogs for/by men by Kinkly. How did that make you feel and do these honors change the way you blog in anyway?
EA: Recognition like that is lovely, of course, but it’s important to take it with a healthy pinch of salt! It certainly hasn’t changed – and won’t change – the way I blog. Even if I took those sorts of lists seriously, they’d be more likely to give me greater confidence in what I’m already doing. As it is, I’ll enjoy the glow, but try to keep it in perspective – as a writer, you never have to look too hard to find someone who thinks you suck, so it’s never a good idea to let the praise go to your head!
KL: For those new to your blog and who find you through Fuck.com or from Kinkly, how would you describe yourself to someone who's just landed on your blog today?
EA: Definitely not safe for work. Curious and kinky. Occasionally whimsical and magpie-like. Exhibitionistic and unashamedly pervy. As the strapline says – contains cock.
KL: You participate regularly in Sinful Sunday, run by Molly Moore, willingly showing your body in a way we're not used to seeing men do. How did you get started and how has sharing images like this changed you, your thoughts about yourself and your sexuality, and even your blogging over time?
EA: I actually don’t remember how I first became aware of Sinful Sunday. It would have been through one of the bloggers I followed at the time, but like most people I then went on a bit of a journey from lurking to commenting to finally mustering enough courage to join in. The Sinful Sunday community is daunting at first – not because of the people, who are lovely and super-welcoming, but because of the standard, which most weeks is ridiculously high. It forces you to re-examine and challenge your own approach to photography, which can only ever be a good thing. Once you’re on board and in the groove, though, it’s pretty fucking addictive.
As for how it’s changed my blogging, I think it’s made me much more conscious of things like community engagement – one of the things Molly really emphasises is supporting fellow writers, and Sinful Sunday has given me all sorts of connections and ideas that I wouldn’t otherwise have had. It’s also really helped with body confidence, which I suspect is a sentiment shared by many of the other contributors; you learn to see yourself as a much more actively, joyously sexual being, and that can’t help but rub off on other areas of your life. I’m not sure I’d have shared photos like this one, or this one, with the world before Sinful Sunday.
KL: You've become active in the sex blogging community over the past couple of years. What drives you to be active?
EA: This will sound soppy, but it’s very much the people! Since I started blogging, I’ve made so many friends via my blog and my Twitter account, that it would feel strange at this point not to be active within the community. From big events like Eroticon to casual drinks with folks I know around London, many of the best bits of my social life involve people I’ve met online, and I think that’s great. It makes the writing itself more enjoyable, but it also drives a lot of the other things I do around that.
KL: Do you have any advice for anyone who might be considering starting their own sex blog? Any specific words of wisdom for other male sex bloggers?
EA: I think the key to a successful blog – regardless of the subject – is enthusiasm! If you’re not enthusiastic about your writing, it’ll quickly tail off – trust me on that one. It’s very easy to feel like other people are doing it better, or have more to say, especially when you’re just starting out, and enthusiasm is what can help you power through that initial uncertainty.
As for other men, it’s pretty simple. Listen and amplify. Don’t be a dick.
Kayla Lords is a freelance writer, sex blogger, and a masochistic babygirl living the 24/7 D/s life. Follow her on Twitter @Kaylalords.
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