I have recently gone through a breakup. It was terrible, and at first, she was all I could think about, and it made me so sad. However, relatively soon after we split, I also found myself looking at other girls again. I was wondering what it would be like to meet a new girlfriend, but I feel quite confused about that. Do you think it is OK to try to find love again so soon after a breakup? If it helps me to move on then surely, it is a good idea. But then I also feel like maybe it is disloyal to my past relationship, which is definitely over. There is no getting back together; she has made that clear. I guess I feel like maybe I am supposed to wait a set period before dating again. I just don't know what the time frame is before trying to find love again?
Dear Brea Kup
I am sorry to hear about your recent breakup with your girlfriend. That must have been a tough time for you. When it comes to finding love again, there are no rules about how long you should wait. The most important thing is whether it feels right for you. However, there are some things I would advise you to consider when trying to make this decision.
The one thing you don't want to do is start dating when you are not really ready or entirely over your ex. I think it is a shitty move to use another person to help you feel better and to heal from this. You want to go into a new relationship focusing on that, not still feeling sad about what you have lost. It would be an unfair thing to do to a new partner. Inevitably they are going to find out that this is a rebound relationship, which probably won't make them feel great. You could then face yet another breakup. If you are still very upset over the loss of your previous girlfriend, you need more time before meeting a new person.
Spending some time single and concentrating on yourself is actually a healthy thing to do after a breakup. When you finally meet a new person you might feel more confident in your ability to form a strong bond with them.
Having said all that, perhaps you do feel ready to move on from the breakup and start exploring again. The essential question to ask yourself is, are you looking for a new girlfriend or just something casual? Then you can go out and be honest with any new potential partners what you are looking for right now.
Everyone deals with breakups and moving on differently and at different rates. There really is no right or wrong when it comes to moving on. You make it very clear that this other relationship is over and there is no chance of fixing it. In this case, ultimately your only choice is to move on. If you do feel ready to do that, then I think that is the only thing that matters. If you are not confident and are still upset about your breakup, I would suggest leaving it for a bit longer.
You express feeling unsure and confused as to whether finding love again is the right thing to do at the moment. I would say perhaps that is a relatively strong indication that it is not. You are questioning it, but I think that when it feels right, you will know because those feelings of doubt will disappear. Until then I suggest you wait a little longer and see what the world has to offer you as a single person.
When is it okay to start dating after a breakup? Is there an ideal time for when you should try finding love again after a breakup? Share your experiences from breakups and finding love again in the Fuck.com forum for free.
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