What kind of comments have you gotten for sharing your sexuality online?

Ugh! Showing your boobs online is degrading.”

You’re allowing yourself to be sexualized. You know that means you’re setting women back, right?”

No one wants to see that. You’re making people think you’re a slut.”

It’s your own fault you’re getting dick pics and gross messages from men. You ask for it by what you post.”

 

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Why writing about sex and showing my boobs on the Internet is empowering


I have seen or received some variation of these kinds of comments ever since I noticed that other people write about sex and show their body online - and since I joined the ranks and began writing about my own sexual experiences and yes, sometimes showing my own boobs or ass.

How you choose to share (or not) your most private moments is a personal choice, and some of us find it empowering. My advice to those who don’t like or approve of what they see? Don’t look.

 

Why Sharing Our Sexuality Online Can Be Empowering


Not everyone will agree that being open about your sexuality online or offline is empowering, fun, or even advisable. That’s okay. For those of us who do it, as long as we have a forum where we can and people willing to follow along with us as we do, it’s our choice. (Pro tip: if you’re using a space other than your own website, like social media, make sure you’re complying with the rules of the site you’re on. You’re playing in their sandbox and should abide by their rules.)

 

Why is sharing my sexuality online - in body and mind - so empowering for me? Let me list the ways for you:


  • Sexuality brings pleasure and joy, and I want to share that pleasure and joy with others.

  • It’s fun to talk about the taboo. Come on, remember when you were 12 or 13 and started talking about s-e-x in hushed tones with your friends? It felt wrong and dirty, but so titillating. I’d be lying if I didn’t admit there’s some of that.

  • Sharing my experiences allows me to connect with people from across the world who have similar experiences or feel like I do about certain acts.

  • Showing my boobs reminds me (very quickly) that someone out there in the world finds me desirable. I don’t need them to think I’m sexy, but I definitely enjoy it.

  • When I share my story, someone will usually share their story, and we both feel a little less alone, awkward, or as if we’re the only ones doing dirty, kinky things.

  • I teach people things they didn’t know before, and in return, I learn things from others.

  • Sex becomes less taboo the more you talk about and a normal part of life. Which, by the way, makes it easy to forget that talking about vibrators over Christmas dinner with your family can be frowned upon.

  •  

No, I don’t speak for everyone else out there baring it all for the online masses. Some people feel similarly, but we all have our own reasons why we do it.

 

Should You Share Your Sexuality Online?


I will never, ever say that everybody should tell their sex tales - online or in person - or share images of their body. If the question comes up in your mind or with other people about whether you should do it, the answer is pretty simple.

Only if you want to.

Telling your sexual stories or posting images of your nude or nearly nude body isn’t for everyone, and no one should make you feel like you should. When you do, you’re letting people into your world in ways that your own family may be never be able to enter.

It’s not for the faint of heart, and should probably only be done after plenty of thought of how you’ll handle the variety of reactions you may receive. I say that as someone who didn’t give it much thought, spent the first few years of my blogging life never hearing a negative word, and nearly crumbled the first time someone said something mean to me about my sexuality. Yeah, definitely give it some thought, first.

Do you “deserve” whatever anger or disgusting behavior people aim at you? Of course not. They are responsible for their own actions, not you. If someone doesn’t like your ass on their computer screen or your story of three men, two trans people, and five vibrators, they can choose to leave your website or profile. The fact that they choose to make you feel uncomfortable says more about them than it does about you.

If you’re in the group of people that thinks sharing the most intimate details of your life is wrong, that’s cool. I support your feelings, and I respect them. All I ask is that you respect my desire to feel differently. If you don’t like what you see, you can always close your browser, unfollow me, unfriend me, or find other ways to remove me from your view.

Kayla Lords is a freelance writer, sex blogger, and a masochistic babygirl living the 24/7 D/s life. Follow her on her website or on Twitter @Kaylalords.

 


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