A visit to a National Trust property has become one of those things British families do on long summer days, during half-term, or when the relatives come to visit from Canada. Look at some paintings! Stroll around the garden! Buy fudge in the gift shop! Visit the orgy cave!
WTF History Lesson #808:
The Hell-Fire Club Orgy Cave
Now, technically the orgy cave isn't part of the National Trust property, and technically it might not have been much of an orgy cave, but the story behind it is an interesting one. I'm talking, of course, about the so-called Hell-Fire Caves in West Wycombe. This artificial system of caverns, fronted by an entrance built to look like a Gothic church, is a popular tourist attraction because of its association with the infamous “Hell-Fire Club,” a secret society said to have engaged in orgies and black magic there.
The founder of this Hell-Fire Club, although not of the original one earlier in the 18th century, was Sir Francis Dashwood, whose family home lies nearby at West Wycombe Park. Dashwood was a wealthy, cultured nobleman who lavished money on the decoration of his home and loved to gather with his friends to do what wealthy; refined nobles usually do – get drunk and flirt with each others' mistresses. The club he founded in the 1740s wasn't called the Hell-Fire Club at the time; he gave it a number of names, including “The Order of the Friars of St Francis of Wycombe” (you can see why the later name caught on).
Later on, writers applied the name Hell-Fire Club and spread dark tales of orgies and sinister rites in which the members worshipped the devil (or at least pagan gods). But was this actually true? Were the Hell-Fire Caves the site of riotous ceremonies in which ecstatic paeans to pagan gods echoed and candlelight flickered over the writhing nude bodies of devotees?
Probably not, no. Then WTF were they doing down there?
It's true that Dashwood and his posh pals made fun of Christianity, but that doesn't necessarily mean they were genuinely devoted to Satan or paganism or, well, anything. The 18th century was a time of growing skepticism of traditional religion. This doubt manifested both in new interest in scientific investigation and – more relevant to our story – a certain looseness with regard to sexual morality. After all, Dashwood and his friends probably reasoned, they weren't hurting anyone, so why would God care that they were going off into a cave for a weekend to drink port, play dress up and entertain their female guests? But not everyone shared this libertine view – conservative authorities and ordinary citizens alike were outraged (and perhaps, given the public's appetite for stories about the Hell-Fire Club, that dangerous combination of outraged and titillated you get in most sex scandals).
'Rigorously pagan' or just wanting to have some fucking fun?
When Horace Walpole famously wrote that the club's “practice was rigorously pagan” and that “Bacchus and Venus were the deities to whom they most publicly sacrificed,” he was just making a little joke for those who knew Classical mythology. Venus is the goddess of love, and Bacchus is the god of wine, so to worship Venus and Bacchus together suggests, well, getting drunk and fucking. And even that was scandalous enough in the 18th century that we don't actually have a lot of information about what went on at the club's meetings. As a result, people have fantasised all kinds of things. The little evidence we do have suggests an atmosphere of drunkenness, bawdy (but witty conversation) and anti-clerical satire. With many respectable male club members bringing their mistresses as guests – something that would not have been tolerated in polite society but is still a far cry from a pagan orgy.
As always, later generations filled in the blank with their own lurid imaginations, but the real Hell-Fire Club was probably just a themed drinking club for rich people and their artsy friends. Shocking at the time, no doubt, and probably a lot of fun in moderation, but not exactly the stuff of sexual legend. And so the Hell-Fire Caves are probably more of a testament to how much people like to think about orgies and black magic rather than evidence of how much they like them. Still, it's fun to walk through the labyrinth and imagine. After all, if you had a spooky cave network with a creepy church entrance all your own, you'd dress up as the devil, glug up some port and shag an actress in it at least once, wouldn't you?
I mean, once, anyway. Just to try it.
This piece was contributed by one of our fuck.com buddies. Wanna get featured on the Fuck.com magazine? We'd love to hear from you! firstname.lastname@example.org
I’m a first-year student at a British university. I think I’ve known I was gay for years, but it wasn’t till I started uni this October that I admitted it to myself - and since then, I’m coming out to all my new friends and started dating a guy from my course.
I’ll be going home soon for the Christmas holidays - the first time I will have seen my family or my friends from home since starting in the autumn - and I’m worried about what it’s going to be like. My Jamaican family are very old-fashioned and conservative, and my Dad, in particular, is really homophobic.
I know I’m not ready to come out to them yet. I will one day, but I want to sort myself out first. Do you have any advice for how to handle feeling like I’m lying to them while I’m there, though? This has been my whole life for months, and I don’t know what else I can tell them.
Newly Out & Nervous
Coming Out or Not for the Holidays
To start with, I’d like to offer my congratulations to you for figuring out who you are in an honest and enjoyable fashion. For many of us, that’s easier said than done - and the explorations you’ve had this term will be memories, you’ll cherish for the rest of your life. Keep going, keep figuring out who you are and who you want, and don’t let other people’s bullshit get in your way.
It sounds like you’re forging an amazing new life for yourself at university - something that’s an integral part of the school experience for almost everyone. You’ve got two worlds now - your new uni life and your old home life - and navigating the ways those worlds interact with each other is going to take some practice.
If you’re not ready to come out yet, that’s okay. I’d definitely recommend that you tell your parents one day - but you can do that in your own time, and there’s no need to rush into it. It does mean, however, that there’s going to be a certain amount of doublethink needed over the Christmas holidays - and that can be a complicated thing for a lot of people.
I don’t have all the answers, NON, but there are a few tips I can give that I think might help you get through it:
First, if you can, try to involve your new boyfriend a little: ask him about his coming out experiences, and see if he might be okay to be around for text messages or phone calls when things get tough over the holidays. I have no idea how established your relationship is, of course, but he might be your best source of support on this one. Second, don’t try to eliminate him from your conversations with your family entirely. Call him your “best friend” if that makes you more comfortable, but say honestly that you’ve been hanging out with this guy a lot and don’t feel that you need to invent a whole new social life. The more you lie, the harder it will be and the more uncomfortable you’ll feel - so stick as close to the truth as you’re happy to. Third, see if there’s someone in your family you can get “on side”. Do you have siblings who might be easier to talk to than your parents or old friends who you think would react well? Are there any members of your extended family who you think would understand, or maybe a family friend who could give you a little support? Pick someone who you think will know that it’s important to you to come out on your own terms, and explain the situation to them. It will help you to feel more comfortable when you’re at home, and they could end up being a great source of support and advice for coming out when you’re ready to take that step.
Whatever you decide, it really is best not to lie too much if you can possibly help it. You’re almost certainly going to need to come out one day - and you’ll likely be happier in the long term if you do - so avoid saying anything patently untrue that you’ll have to confess to later.
Remember too that sometimes people can surprise you. Your parents love you, and they want the best for you, and there are countless stories of homophobic people having a difficult initial reaction to their child’s sexuality but coming round over time. They will almost certainly come good for you, in the end, NON - it might just take a little time first.
Good luck and best wishes,
Wanna share your own coming out story? We're collecting stories from our fabulous fuck.com buddies! Send us your story: email@example.com
Abi Brown is a freelance writer and general pen-for-hire devoted to sexual deviancy, far-left politics and wearing too much jewellery. Find her at her website or on Twitter @see_abi_write.
England's capital is full of historical surprises around every corner and the London red light district is no different. Many upscale places today, where considered raunchy and filled with many 'unfortunate women'. Where did most of these women frequent? The answer might shock you...
WTF History Lessons Presents:
#707 London Red Light District
Step out of the Tube at Covent Garden station and you'll be swarmed by crowds of shoppers and tourists. Whether they're looking to browse among cool shops, see the National Opera House, visit the markets or take in, I dunno, the Transport Museum, they're all in a hurry and they're there no matter the time or day. But Covent Garden wasn't always a tourist hub – or at least not for these reasons.
Who were the Covent Garden Ladies?
In the 18th century, Covent Garden was one of London's most notorious red-light districts. It was so famous, in fact, that a guide to prostitutes went by the title Harris's List of Covent-Garden Ladies, with readers being expected to understand just what sort of ladies Covent Garden ladies were. Whether or not Harris' list was intended for practical use – most modern historians think it was mainly for, er, solitary reading – it definitely shows that the area was famous for its prostitution. This wasn't only an 18th-century phenomenon, either: the 17th-century guide The Wandering Whore lists Long Acre, site of the aforementioned Covent Garden Underground station, as one of the best places for men to find companionship.
Much has been made of London's history of prostitution, a subject too rich and complex to go into detail about here, but it's important to remember that no one can quite agree on the details: after all, it's not like people put “whore” on their census forms. In fact, there mostly weren't census forms. So we have to guess and estimate based on the information we have. And while that makes it impossible to know exact numbers, we can certainly pick out a few areas where prostitution was particularly rife – ironically, many of these are quite upscale areas today.
Hitching a ride on the Ratcliffe Highway...
Not all of them, of course: if I were to tell you that The Highway, the road that links Tower Hill with Limehouse, was a notorious den of vice and villainy from the 17th to the 19th centuries, you wouldn't doubt me. Known as Ratcliffe Highway at the time, it was crawling with sailors from ships docked in the Pool of London, and like most places sailors enjoy, it was regarded as pretty rough even before the gruesome Ratcliffe Highway Murders gave it a permanent bad name. This area was home base for one of the 17th-century's best-known madames, Damaris Page, whose career in vice could be an article of its own. In 1668, for instance, rioting mobs targeted Page's establishments and those of her colleagues in what would come to be called the Bawdy House Riots. Partly they were expressing good old Puritan condemnation of vice, and partly they were angry that Page was allegedly using her brothels to press-gang sailors and dockworkers. Following the riots, Page's name wound up on a petition addressing the king's mistress, Lady Castlemaine, for aid – after all, the pamphlet argued, as a fellow whore she ought to be sympathetic. Perhaps unsurprisingly, aid was not forthcoming.
A special kind of bird...
But no discussion of London prostitution would be complete without talking about Southwark and the “Winchester geese.” South of the Thames, Southwark was outside the jurisdiction of London authorities, which made it a prime spot for disreputable activity. The most famous of these disreputable activities was, er, the theatre, which is why the reconstructed Globe Theatre stands there. No one's ever tried to reconstruct a bear-pit, though, nor the rows of brothels or “stews” that also lined the south bank. The protection of Stephen Gardiner, Bishop of Winchester and chum of Henry VIII, gave the women who worked in Southwark the name “Winchester Geese.” In the end, Henry did crack down on the stews, but Southwark remained a haunt for prostitutes. The story that the Cross Bones cemetery is mainly a final resting place for these women is probably apocryphal, though.
So the next time you're walking around a completely respectable part of London, don't take it all for granted. There could be layers of history under the shiny modern surface, and a lot of it could be dirtier than you'd think.
This article was contributed by one of our fucking fabulous guest writers! Want to contribute a piece on Fuck.com? Then send us a message to firstname.lastname@example.org.
Happy December Fuck.com Buddies!
This year is winding down and what a fuckin’ ride! 2016 has seen Fuck.com go through many changes! From being just an online magazine to launching into BETA as our full blown online community of sexy Fuck.com buddies all around the world! We’re looking forward to next year bringing more exciting new things! But hold on a second. December! It’s now and it’s happening!
We’ve got a new erotic game for you: the Sex Toy Treasure Hunt for those of you who are members on Fuck.com! What’s this all about you say? Since we’re all about the fun stuff leading up to sex and then the actual sex. We’ve hidden little sex toys all over the site for you to find and collect points to win some fucking cool prizes! Check in with the forum if you’re totally clueless on where to find the goods!
If you’re not already a Fuck.com buddy, fear not! Registration is super easy and FREE! You can use Facebook Connect to discreetly and quickly link your accounts for a fast and simple sign up. Don’t worry no one will see you’re a member of either site unless YOU decide to make that visible. We get it.
Bring in the new...
The Fuck.com magazine has started a new series: Who the Fuck is That? Featuring artists, writers, performers and tons of other people working in the sexiest fuckin’ industry ever. We’ll give you a sneak peek into their lives, work and why the fuck they do what they do.
Which ties in nicely with our other new section on the magazine. Places to Fucking Go. Fuck.com wants you to have a fuckin’ good time wherever you go, so we’re amassing lists of fucking cool places in London to visit. Everything from sex shops and clubs to more specialized fetish spots and outdoorsy places. So keep your eyes peeled to see what’s up next!
If you're looking to give to a sexy good cause this year. We have several writers trying to make their way to Eroticon 2017 in LONDON! There are a couple of ways you can do that. Reach out and spread the love! See you at Eroticon Fuck.com buddies!
And lastly, don’t forget: we LOVE to fuckin’ hear from you! So drop us a comment on the magazine articles you like (or don’t like, we want to know what gets you excited). Start a topic in the forum or send us an email to email@example.com. Or if you have a burning question about a sexy issue email Abi at AskAbi@fuck.com.
Thanks for reading Fuck.com buddies! Have a fucktasticly fun end of 2016!
Love and consensual hugs,
The F*cking Editor
What do politics and slut shaming have in common? Well when certain politicians don't even really know what slut shaming and still us it, apparently nothing. Abi takes a look at Michael Gove and his use of colorful language and defines what this mystery term actually means.
Madonnas & Whores:
What the Actual Fuck is Slut Shaming?
My readers from the other side of the Atlantic probably aren’t familiar with Michael Gove, and I can’t say I don’t envy them that privilege. He’s a pretty nasty piece of work, and even his own fans don’t actually like him very much. Hell, our current Prime Minister is a slightly terrifying woman. Who, despite my feminist reservations about drawing comparisons between women in positions of power, does keep reminding me a bit of Dolores Umbridge. She also didn’t trust him to keep any of his old ministerial jobs and unceremoniously shuffled him out of the Cabinet when she took over.
You might have heard about so-called “Brexit”, though. The short version, for the enlightenment of the uninitiated: a few months back a tiny majority of the voting public made a completely inexplicable decision to do something unfathomably stupid that nobody has actually figured out how to do yet. And now we’re all stuck with the aftermath. It’s a bit like what happens when your Roomba runs over some dog shit, so naturally Michael Gove is all for it. In a move so baffling I haven’t quite wrapped my head around it yet, he recently came out with this piece of perplexing nonsense on the subject:
Leaving aside for a moment that Gove was one of the people who brought us the crash of 2008, the real question here is this: what the actual fuck does this man think slut shaming is?
He’s not the only person with that question:
The concept might not be new, but the term only came into vogue relatively recently. The core idea is a pretty straightforward one: “slut shaming” is what we do when we criticise, embarrass or deride women for behaviour that is read as being somehow overtly sexual or promiscuous in nature. Sometimes it’s pretty mild, like when a parent tells their daughter that she is “NOT going out in THAT” because they think it looks ‘slutty’ or ‘trashy’. Sometimes it’s inbuilt and insidious, like when someone is worried about telling their partner how many people they’ve slept with in the past in case said partner thinks the number is “too high” and it alters their view of them. Other times it’s blatant public sexism, like that one time Rush Limbaugh called a woman a whore for thinking birth control should be readily available.
It’s a useful term to have around, because it gives us the vocabulary to talk about something that’s been a part of our culture for generations and that we were all indoctrinated in from our earliest childhoods. (Disney films, incidentally, are full of slut shaming. I mean, I love Disney as much as the next girly girl, but the non-central women in those things cannot catch a break: just think about how the Ugly Stepsisters are portrayed as they vie for male attention, or all the insinuations that Ursula is a squid of much sexuality compared to Ariel’s literal loss of her voice.)
It’s possible to overuse even the best of terms, of course, and that’s a trap we might be starting to fall into here from time to time. Everything Roosh V has ever said is probably slut shaming, but wishing your masturbating neighbour would put some music on so you can sleep without hearing their endless moans probably isn’t.
When is a slut not a slut?
There’s a certain amount of “female empowerment” rhetoric that I’m not sure actually helps at all. I have a soft spot for Emma Stone, and I wholeheartedly enjoyed Easy A - a film that’s all about slut shaming and how it affects young women. I’ve never been able to shake the feeling that the film’s message doesn’t go far enough, though. It’s a fascinating exploration of how easy it is to fall into the trap of branding someone a “slut” for things they have never done at all, but completely fails to point out that it would be wrong to treat her that way even if she had done everything she’s being accused of.
I’m quite fond of the word ‘slut’. I have a small collection of things dotted around my house decorated with it, in fact, and a few bits of jewellery I found on Etsy. Much like ‘fat’, I don’t believe that ‘slut’ in and of itself needs to be a dirty word - though it’s certainly often used that way. Until we’ve achieved widespread reclamation of either term, though, I don’t see any particular benefit in using them to describe people who find them insulting and uncomfortable - no matter what their dress size or how many sexual partners they’ve had.
And what about Michael Gove?
I haven’t the foggiest idea what the recently-disgraced politician was trying to say when he used the term ‘slut-shaming’ to talk about the EU referendum. I think I can see why he tried at all, though: it seems as though he was attempting to tap into the current cultural zeitgeist by using the language of modern political correctness, which is a fascinating move from someone on the right of this country’s politics.
I’m firmly opposed to Gove’s position on Brexit - but I can’t help but be a tiny bit pleased that an avowedly right-wing politician is prepared to use a turn of phrase that indicates that a “slut” isn’t necessarily a bad thing to be. Maybe we’re making some progress after all.
Abi Brown is a freelance writer and general pen-for-hire devoted to sexual deviancy, far-left politics and wearing too much jewellery. Find her at her website or @see_abi_write.
So it's here once again: Movember. The month when upper lips all across the world sprout fresh crops of stubble to raise awareness of prostate cancer. In some past eras, though, the Movember concept would never have worked; after all, everyone had moustaches already. In honour of this nobly hirsute month, then, let's take a look at some of the ways the ultimate gentleman's accessory has manifested throughout history.
WFT History Lesson #606:
The History of the Moustache
Humans have been shaving since they learned to make blades of any kind. You can get a really sharp edge on a stone tool if you know what you're doing – but a lot of ancient cultures either went completely clean-shaven or sported full, luxurious beards. Contrary to stereotype, there are some tombs of ancient Egyptians rocking jaunty lip caterpillars. Prince Rahotep, for instance, was an Egyptian royal from the third millennium BC whose neat facial hair gives him a very smooth, club-goer look. I mean, apart from the bit where he's wearing nothing but a linen kilt. I guess it depends on the kind of clubs you go to.
Another (but much later) famous ancient moustache belongs to the unidentified horseman on a fragment of felt carpet found in a tomb of the Iron Age Pazyryk culture in Kazakhstan. Our unknown rider disdains the neatly-trimmed smoothie look Rahotep had going on, instead letting the whiskers fly free. Presumably they whipped entertainingly in the wind as he galloped across the steppe, or maybe I'm getting carried away.
The forbidden moustache
In various cultures around the world and throughout history, moustaches have been associated with the military. French soldiers of the Napoleonic era prided themselves on their stylish whiskers, and there have been times when moustaches in the British armed forces were actually mandatory. This association with military service is why Amish men grow full beards but never moustaches – the military style is seen as contrary to their pacifist creed.
Why do they call it a porn 'stache anyway?
When you think of a male porn star, the image of a guy with a big fuzzy moustache immediately leaps to mind, even though (in straight porn at least) that hasn't been a thing since the 1970s (well, OK, maybe the 80s). And in those days everyone was sporting a bushy mark of virility. So why is the iconic facial accoutrement of the 70s so associated with porn?
I have a theory. It relies on casting your mind back to a time when porn wasn't absolutely everywhere on the internet, when magazines and videos ruled, and when getting new porn wasn't as easy as the click of a mouse. People – especially, say, high school students who weren't supposed to have any porn in the first place – held on to their porn a lot longer. I personally knew people who owned wobbly, squeaky videotapes of horrible old German porn featuring atrocious 70s moustaches – and this was in the early-mid 1990s. Did this behaviour preserve these moustache images beyond the point where they had vanished from mainstream television and advertising, giving rise to the stereotype of moustaches as a porn thing? I think it might have.
Maybe it's just because many cultures see moustaches as a sign of sexual power and virility?
And of course …
Above all, how could we celebrate the moustache without mentioning its iconic place in gay culture? Gay and bi icons from Freddie Mercury to Armistead Maupin to the Village People's Glenn Hughes displayed moustaches ranging from the discreet pencil to the mighty horseshoe, and a good moustache is still much-prized in some quarters of the gay community today.
So why the connection? Maybe it's the old symbol-of-masculinity thing, or maybe it's just that the importance of the 70s in LGBT history mean that some 70s styles have become iconic. I'm neither old enough or gay enough to know the answer, but either way, moustaches will always have a special place in the hearts, or more accurately on the upper lips, of gay and bisexual men.
The icons of moustache history are here to stay. Honour them by getting yourself checked out for prostate cancer as soon as fucking possible gentlemen! You love your butts and so do we!
This article was contributed by one of our fabulous guest writers! Got something to say? Wanna get featured on the Fuck.com magazine? Send us a message write (at) fuck (dot) com
November is also the month to raise awareness to violence against women. This personal story about being a victim of sex trafficking and overcoming it. This can be a triggering topic for some of our readers, please use your own discretion when reading. The story does not go into details about the actual incidences; instead it focuses more on the positives of how the author found ways to became a strong and healthy person despite what happened to her.
***At the bottom of the article there are links for anyone who may need assistance.***
Always remember: you are not alone, there is help.
Healing Story: The Aftermath of Sex Trafficking
A Memoir of Recovery, Growth and Orgasms
Sex trafficking is a worldwide problem and a difficult topic to discuss. It’s also not the same as human trafficking, though the two often overlap. I know, because I was sex trafficked. I’m going to share a bit about my journey, both my abuse and healing, but let me say now… no matter how dark this subject is, I’m healing up nicely with lots of orgasms in the process.
Child prostitution and sex trafficking are similar, and I was subjected to both. It’s sex trafficking because I was taken without permission, moved locations, sold for sexual favors, then returned afterward - changing locations is key. It was also child prostitution because I was sold as chattel.
I was 6 years old, and no one (aside from the abusers) knew what was happening to me. Sometimes I was picked up from school by a person on my emergency contact list, victimized for hours, then returned before the end (sometimes right at the end) of the school day. My parents never knew I was gone. Because the trafficker claimed the legal right to remove me from school, the school never notified my parents of my absence. I was terrified and, believing that it was my fault, I never told.
At the time, there were no computers. Even if there had been, I was too young to know how to Google the number for help. I knew how to call the police, but I remember uniformed officers there. Whether they were real cops or not, I don’t know. They could have been dressed up for intimidation purposes. But as a child, all I knew was that officers were part of the problem. I didn’t know where to go for help and my parents surely weren’t an option. If I told on my abusers, I was told something awful would happen to my family.
Why do I share?
Education and knowing what to watch for make a difference. Not only could people have helped me back then, but even in the present people can help me heal from this. But not without education. A few years back, an editor told me that people aren’t sold for sex in suburban areas. She fully believed this and she couldn’t have been more wrong. As a society, we can’t afford to be ignorant on these topics. Knowledge and action will save innocent people.
For instance, it would have been helpful for my parents to monitor my absences. Making sure that what they thought I’d missed aligned with what the school claimed. When it didn’t, they could have found out who’d checked me out for the day and why. Paying attention matters. I’d spoken about the naked little girls in the attic, but since we didn’t have an attic, my parents wrote it off. I was truly confused at the time and thought they were in our attic, which didn’t exist. If a child is making a bizarre claim, don’t dismiss it. Had they asked me more about it or paid closer attention, they may have gotten more out of me.
Teaching your kids that trafficking can happen to anyone, no matter how much money you make or where you live is vital. This is not just tied to third world countries. Simply explaining bad touch isn’t enough. I’d heard all of that too, but to no avail.
Healing through unexpected ways
I found healing in therapy first, but while that got me far, that wasn’t where I’ve experienced the most healing. My therapist is amazing and when it comes to talking me through my PTSD and helping create new neural pathways, she’s fantastic. But my biggest healing came from my D/s relationship. The one where I’m not in control.
Because we’d already established a great deal of trust, when I began my healing with a Dom, it was incredible. I don’t suggest this unless you’ve spoken with your therapist about it and everyone is on the same page, but it can be amazing when you have the right scenario.
Not only did my Dom and I meet with my therapist, but we created fear ladders to help me. Exposure therapy has always worked best for me, but my therapist can’t legally do what my Dom does. So my therapist and I would set up a fear ladder of something triggering, like an action or memory, then I’d supply it to my Dom and we’d work our way up it. Sometimes in one night, sometimes it took months to reach the top. I don’t relive the trauma, but my Dom does help me re-contextualize what I’m feeling. I faced the terrible memory of being locked in a cage by being tightly bound and, once immobilized, I was rewarded with powerful orgasms for bravely facing that fear. I wasn’t confined in the same manner of course, but I got to experience being confined in a safe environment in a scenario where I consented, and then I got to enjoy myself physically. It was a very powerful and beautiful catharsis.
Not only have I had a supportive therapist and Dom, but I have an amazing husband too. He’s in full support of the work I do with my Dom as well and will be the first to call him if I get triggered and can’t pull out of it. I have a team. Without them, I’d not have come so far in my healing.
Two years ago I could hardly say, “trafficked”. I’d shake. I hated being in front of crowds. I hated being touched. I even hated telling people about it. But these things don’t bother me anymore. Now, I write, speak, and I’m even going on stage soon to share my story.
No matter what your situation is, healing is possible. It may not be healing with a Dom. It might not include sex at all. Maybe exposure therapy would be terrible for you. But there is hope. We all find our own path, but we do it best when we have proper support.
If you are a victim of trafficking or suspect someone is being trafficked, please, report it. Know that you are not alone. There is hope and you can come back from this. Below is a list of great resources if you or someone you know is in trouble with trafficking, domestic abuse, and/or child pornography/prostitution.
National Human Trafficking Resource Center
National Domestic Violence Hotline
In cases of needing international information, Andrew Vachss is an attorney that specializes in protecting children. He’s an author and runs the website The Zero, where he supplies a great deal of information on abuse and how to get help internationally.
Sienna Saint-Cyr writes erotica and blogs about kink, poly, body image, and most things relating. Follow her on her website or on Twitter @siennasaintcyr.
Happy MOvember Fuck.com Buddies!
November is is famous for it’s mustaches, so of course we’re going to be talking about where those fabulous furry ‘lip warmers’ come from and why it’s important for all you men out there to CHECK YOUR BALLS please! Another lesser known theme for this month is awareness about violence against women. Not such a happy topic, I know, but we've got some incredible life changing and positive stories to share. We’ll also include helplines and websites, so if you or someone you know need help, the information is easy to find. Spread the love, share knowledge!
If you care about testicles please get them checked!
Fuck.com is growing and that’s fucking exciting! We've got new and easier ways for your friends to join. It’s super fucking easy to join Fuck.com! Now you can use Facebook to sign up. I know, I know. You’re thinking, ‘WTF?! Use my Facebook to log in? No fucking way!’ But have no fear future Fuck.com buddies! Privacy and confidentiality are priority numero uno here on Fuck.com: You are the boss of what happens with your accounts and it’s easy to adjust the privacy settings.
Who the Fuck is That?!
The magazine will be starting a new series: ‘Who the Fuck is That?’ which will replace the old series ‘Top Ten Things to Fucking Do’. This weekly series will feature all the latest and greatest places and people from around the UK (including many internationally renowned) making a positive difference in the world of fucking. We’ll cover fucking everything from porn makers and sex workers to sex educators and other erotic artists.
Thanks again for reading Fuck.com buddies! I’m looking forward to another amazing month, full of fucktastic articles and interviews. So strap on your favorite reading paraphernalia and get busy!
Stay warm this MOvember Fuck.com Buddies and enjoy!
With love and consensual hugs,
The F*cking Editor
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Horror fiction and fucking are closely linked. Perhaps more closely linked than you'd like to think or admit to. Just what is it that draws people to vampires and monsters and slasher films? Why are these things categorized in our minds together? Is it perhaps the mystery of the unknown? No, porn and horror are pretty predictable. So what is it then?
Horror Fiction and Fucking:
Objects in Mirror are Closer than They Appear
One of the really interesting things about Halloween is that it displays something we all know, but very rarely think about – the profound connection between fear (or at least horror) and sex. The terrifying and the erotic don't seem like they would go together, but there is a long tradition of putting the two side-by-side. It isn't just sexy Halloween monster costumes, either – look at the way that vampires are consistently sexualised, or the relationship between sex and getting hacked to death with an axe in slasher movies (the relationship is: we like to look at people with their shirts off, and then we make ourselves feel less guilty about it by looking at them get murdered, which is, if you think about it, pretty weird).
Sex sells... horror?
Or take a look at the covers of classic pulp magazines like Weird Tales. The scantily-clad ladies of Margaret Brundage's paintings don't always have a lot to do with the stories inside (Brundage tended to interpret scenes in the nudest possible light), but they do suggest a connection between the horrific or mysterious and the erotic that resonated with some readers. It also offended others – Brundage's art was highly controversial in its day, although it undoubtedly sold magazines.
Part of the connection may be that the pleasant anticipation of watching a horror movie is not unlike the pleasant anticipation of romance. Note that I'm not saying that being aroused and being terrified are similar – it's just that horror fiction isn't really terrifying. Not like being in a burning building or seeing a clown is terrifying. It's playfully terrifying, and it has a certain rhythm to it. Building anticipation, slacking off a bit, building again, always teasing, and then finally delivering an explosive climax.
Sounds like I'm saying a horror story is like a handjob, which it … kind of is?
More seriously, though, horror fiction has always, largely by dint of not being respectable, been a place where it was OK to talk about things people weren't supposed to talk about. That applies to fear and violence, but it applies equally to sex. It especially applies to the sexual thoughts and fantasies of groups whose sexual thoughts are considered taboo.
You aren't supposed to talk about that!
LGBT people, of course, and kinksters of all sorts, but also just ... women in general. Gothic fiction of the 18th and 19th centuries was condemned by respectable critics not only because it dealt in sexual themes – we'll get to that in a minute – but also because women liked it, and they really weren't supposed to. Critics scoff at things girls like in every age – you can apply that to Fifty Shades of Grey or Twilight – but it was particularly puzzling to 19th-century critics. Young women were taking stories about things that were complicated, mysterious, thrilling and yet somehow frightening and drawing a connection between that and their sexuality. No one could quite figure out why.
Vampires in leather trousers? Yes please!
We could spend a lot of time talking about Dracula, in which the title character represents all kinds of bottled-up Victorian fears about female sexuality. Moral rightness is more-or-less restored by the end of the novel, but it's not the order-restoring vampire hunters we care about: it's Dracula himself. This became especially true once the film versions spread the character around the world. I'm sure there are people who find Peter Cushing's Van Helsing sexy, but I'm straight as hell and I think Christopher Lee is sexy as Dracula.
Ultimately, horror and sexiness are both about our desire to do or see things we're not necessarily “supposed” to, albeit for very different reasons. Both are transgressive, and when they're at their best they're transgressive in gut-level, personal, should-be-totally-unacceptable ways. Of course, what makes for effective horror, just like what makes for effective eroticism, is different for everyone, but for a significant number of people both seem to include vampires in leather trousers.
This article was contributed by one of our fucktastic guest writers! Wanna write for us? Got a hot topic that needs featuring right on the Fuck.com website? Then send a message to firstname.lastname@example.org and get fucking writing!
Halloween is coming, and that means sexy Draculas. For generations, we've learned to see vampires as sexy monsters (a story I'll be covering elsewhere). We've also begun to see sexy werewolves, typically of the bare-chested hunk variety. But aside from the occasional girl using strategically-loose bandages to her advantage, you'll never see a Halloween sexy mummy. After all, what's sexy about a dusty, rotting corpse swathed in mouldering bandages?
WTF History Presents True Fucking Facts About:
The Sexy Mummy
What if I told you that in an earlier era, mummies were absolutely considered a sexy monster? As odd as it may sound, it's true. The Victorians considered the living mummy to be a romantic figure. For at least one famous later figure, well … let's take a look.
The 19th century was a boom period for mummy-mania in Europe. Following Napoleon's invasion of Egypt, all things Egyptian entered the public consciousness. As the Gothic genre evolved throughout the period, Egyptian themes made appearances. Particularly toward the end of the era in works like Dracula creator Bram Stoker's The Jewel of Seven Stars. The reanimated mummies in these horror stories weren't shambling, bandaged creatures. They were ordinary-looking people, typically women, whose perfect beauty was rendered eerie by the fact that they'd been dead for thousands of years.
The fictional mummy of the 19th century was therefore more likely to be a glamorous, vampire-like femme fatale than a bone-crushing avenger.
Meanwhile, real mummies were an object of public curiosity in a way that modern archaeologists would tend to look askance at. Stories of Victorian “unwrapping parties” are probably exaggerated. There was definitely a creepily sexual undertone to the way in which archaeologists and keen amateurs of the Victorian period lovingly unwrapped the bodies of people who had very specifically tried to prevent that from happening. Some modern historians point out similarities between Victorian attitudes toward mummies and contemporary British attitudes toward Egypt itself.
So Victorian mummies were often female. Simultaneously victims and dangerously sexual – which is not too different from vampires. And not a million miles removed from Victorian portrayals of women in general. But the sexiest mummies of all weren't in Victorian England (was the sexiest anything of all in Victorian England?) but in 1900s Paris.
Mummies were all the rage and full of controversy.
The mummified remains of a woman believed to be the repentant courtesan Saint Thais had been a huge hit in 1902. In 1907, when super-controversial novelist and Bohemian Sidonie-Gabrielle Colette (just Colette for short) was announced as appearing in a pantomime performance called Rêve d'Égypte (Dream of Egypt) at the Moulin Rouge, the stage was set for a good old-fashioned French erotic controversy.
And what a controversy it was! Colette played the role of the mummy, while her lover Mathilde de Morny (“Missy” for short) dressed in drag as the archaeologist who unwrapped her. The whole thing concluded with Colette dancing in an ever-decreasing number of bandages until, nearly naked, she passionately kissed Missy. It brought the house down.
Almost literally, in fact. Although Missy's husband was fine with watching his wife make out with a beautiful, nearly-naked woman (how unusual!), the rest of the family wasn't so keen. Whether they actually paid off the audience members who rioted I couldn't tell you, but riot they did. And the theatre had to be closed the next night.
The Next Top Sexy Mummy...?
Colette's performance may be the peak of the sexy mummy. The 1920s brought the discovery of the tomb of Tutankhamun, and with it the legend of the mummy's curse. Mummies began to be seen as avenging spirits. The 1932 film The Mummy, starring Boris Karloff, cemented the image of the mummy as a shambling monster. And there, the occasional sexy mummy character notwithstanding, they've stayed.
But all hope is not lost.
We've seen the sexy werewolf come out of specialty-porn obscurity and into the mainstream over the last few years. With a little favour from the gods, the sexy mummy might not be far behind. Ahem. I mean, if you're into that sort of thing. You know. Not that I am.
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A sexy spooky hello to all our freaky and fabulous Fuck.com Buddies!
Fall is gearing up for Halloween and there’s lots of fucking cool stuff you won’t want to miss! We’re gearing up for some new photo competitions. Stay tuned to see what's they are all about. We’ve also stolen the old ironing boards from grandma and are working on all those, ahem, kinks. Trying to make life easier for our members. It’s now super easy to join our free Fuck.com community by using your Facebook to sign up.
October is packed full of awesome Things to Fucking Do, so check out our weekly postings for sexy fun stuff to explore. There’s something for everyone, from pole dancing classes and poetry readings to musicals and hot parties.
This month’s Ask Abi column fits in well to October’s LBGTQ history month theme. Covering issues when your partner comes out and how to be supportive. So get out there and spread the fucking love, support one another and remember that love has no labels. We’re all humans looking for a bit of love and compassion.
Halloween is coming up at the end of the month and you know what that means: sexy vampires and any other sexy creature under the moon around every corner. It’s awesome to feel free and sexy on this spooktacular day, but remember consent. We’ve got some tips to help keep you safe for a happy sexy Halloween.
Did you know that you can do stuff other than fucking and it’s still just as much fun?
BAM! Fuck.com throws some tips at you about mutual masturbation and sexting. A little dirty talk and showing your partner what you like can go a long way to making a happier, healthier relationship.
Finally, we have a review from one of our new writers about Erika Lust! Some of you may have noticed we use a lot of images from her films. Yup, we’re in cahoots with Erika Lust and it’s about fucking time we had a chat about her films and the amazing work she does in the porn industry.
Have a happy sexy Halloween and thanks for reading!
With love and consensual hugs,
The F*cking Editor
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Remember my glossary of excruciating poly jargon? It was quite a hit. Turns out polyamory isn’t the only bit of the sexual world where all the words are shit, though - we’ve really got to figure out WTF to call our private parts. So what are the options?
The Genitalia Glossary
I genuinely have nothing against the word ‘cock’. It’s kind of resoundingly satisfying, isn’t it? You can use it in ordinary conversation if you have the right sort of friends, and it works during sex without sounding completely stupid. It might be the least rubbish word we have for any kind of genitalia, and therefore it obviously describes a penis. This is why we can’t have nice things.
There’s a strange cultural divide about the word ‘cunt’. Up in Scotland, it’s a swear-word no worse than ‘fuck’ - not something you’d say in front of your boss during working hours, but perfectly acceptable in the pub and practically a term of endearment amongst the kinds of mates who banter with each other. Down here in England it’s a little harsher than that, but not much; used in dirty talk it’s no more blinked at than ‘cock’ is, and used as an insult it raises eyebrows only because it indicates you’re more pissed off than ‘wanker’ would imply.
In the States, though, it seems to be the worst thing anyone could possibly say to another person to such an extent that we blue-mouthed Brits shock them rather. I have never been entirely sure why this is.
I’m quite fond of the word ‘cunt’, really. It’s pretty much the only one I don’t feel like a twat using to describe my own, well, twat.
Which dick is the right dick to use and why....
The trouble with calling your dick your dick is that it kind of makes you sound like a dick. It’s a step down in rudeness from ‘cock’, though, which means that if you’re talking about your dick with friends who you can’t be quite that sweary in front of you kind of have to call it your dick.
Why are you telling those friends about your dick anyway, though? If you can’t say ‘cock’ in front of them, they’re probably not close enough or rude enough to want to hear about your dick. Stop being such a dick, good grief.
And the biggest genitalia glossary cluster fuck between the continents is....
Dear Americans: if you’ve ever wondered why every British person in earshot dissolves into a fit of giggles every time you mention your fannypacks or ask someone to put their fanny down on that chair over there, this is why: here, it means the other bit. You know. The front one. The lady part.
Jesus H. Christ, we’re bad at naming female genitalia.
It’s also, of course, a legitimate shortening of the name ‘Frances’ that used to be much more common than it is now. Mary Wollstonecraft, the grandmother of modern feminism and actual mother of writer Mary Shelley, had a lifelong friend and probable lover whose name was genuinely Fanny Blood. Ms. Blood died in childbirth, a fact that caused me to choke on my takeaway coffee when I was informed of it during a lecture at university. The lecturer rolled his eyes and gave me a half-amused glare. “There’s always one”, he said.
I’m actually giggling again as I write this. For some reason I still have the sense of humour of a twelve year old boy.
Oh, god, I hate all these words so much. See also ‘axe-wound’. In some circles there seems to be a horrifying trend for describing female genitalia as though it was something unnatural; a problem, an aberration. The terms in this category all make my skin crawl. I can’t even try to be funny about them convincingly.
At the other end of the scale, there’s all the words designed to make it seem like we’re pissing out petals and fairies and possibly the occasional fuzzy kitten. Ladygarden might be the most egregious, but ‘flower’ apparently exists as well. I hate how euphemistic these terms are; I’d much rather call a spade a spade, a cunt a cunt, and an incidence of internalised sexism an incidence of internalised sexism. Speaking of which...
With a health dose of sarcasm we give you...
“He slid his throbbing manhood deep into the heart of her sex with a tantalising slowness that made her gasp out in longing. She parted like a budding flower, and his stiff tool seemed for that moment to be the centre of her world. ‘Oh, my darling’, she breathed, heart pounding in her breast. ‘The patriarchal cissexism inherent in the way erotic authors name their characters’ naughty bits just turns me on so much.’
There is nothing even remotely sexy about the word ‘penis’. I can tell you from experience that it’s possible to forget this while writing a sex scene, and then shudder deeply upon reading it back to yourself afterwards. There’s no way of making it work, I’m afraid, people. There’s nothing sexy about the word ‘penis’.
As far as I’m concerned, the only truly legitimate use of ‘pussy’ is when you’re having sex with someone who likes dirty talk and you’ve already said ‘cunt’ enough times in the last few phrases that it’s time to mix it up a bit.
I’m not a particular fan, but it’s so fucking ubiquitous. I have come to the conclusion that the only reason we use it so often is that for some reason Americans won’t say the word ‘cunt’.
It’s kind of fluffy and infantilising, though. I like to afford my anatomy a bit of no-nonsense grown-up dignity, thanks.
Genitalia glossary gives you a quick refresher on that anatomy class you slept thru...
All the words we’ve got for describing the kind of bits I have are so terrible that we often default to ‘vagina’, which is a shame because the actual vagina is often not the bit you’re trying to talk about. The rest of them - labia, clitoris, pubic mound - all have their own names too, you know. I used to know someone who declared that if we were going to name the whole shebang after what people thought the most important part of it was, she was going to call hers her ‘clit’ for ever more.
If men have cocks and teenage boys have dicks, then children have willies. This is all well and good: kids have got to call it something, after all. What bothers me is when fully grown adults use the word unironically, like it’s somehow not the most stupid fucking thing they’ve ever said with their mouth. I mean seriously, guys: I realise that these are not particularly dignified bits of anatomy at the best of times, but you don’t have to hang a lampshade on it like that.
Got more names for your 'private parts' that we missed? Then let us know your
favorite words and we'll slap them onto our genitalia glossary.
Abi Brown is a freelance writer and general pen-for-hire devoted to sexual deviancy, far-left politics and wearing too much jewellery. Find her at her website or @see_abi_write.
Dick pics aren't just a recent trend annoyingly popping up on your phone. In this edition of WTF History Lessons we take a look at ancient Pompeii and thanks to volcanic preservation we get a glimpse into the dick pics of yesteryear. Cheers for that.
WTF History Lesson #404: Dick Pics
In 79 AD, Mount Vesuvius, the volcano overlooking the Bay of Naples, erupted. The nearby town of Pompeii was blanketed with ash and volcanic rock, killing many of the inhabitants. Although a catastrophe for the residents, the disaster was a gift to archaeologists. Buildings, artifacts, people and animals were preserved by the layers of ash, providing an unrivaled look at everyday life in a Roman town. When later generations discovered the ruins, they found something they weren't expecting:
Dicks. Lots and lots of dick pics.
Dicks on the walls of houses, dicks in the bathroom, dicks on oil lamps and wind chimes, just dicks, dicks, dicks as far as the eye could see. I'm talking about a lot of dicks, you guys. The walls of Pompeii's buildings were covered in frescoes showing couples going at it – cowgirl, doggy-style, standing – as well as more exotic images such as an MMF threesome. It wasn't just the wall-paintings, either; there were erotic statues such as the one of the god Pan fucking a goat. There were also images of the god Priapus. A cheerful fellow with a comically oversized cock, and of penises all by themselves. Penises in little shrines, penises with wings, penises with lion feet, penises with penises. Whatever the excavators had been expecting, a festival of first-century knobs was probably not it.
Reaction to the, ahem, 'art' (a.k.a. dick pics) was … let's say mixed.
Although Pompeii was a priceless historical resource, rightly regarded as a national treasure, the authorities were a little embarrassed by its unabashed celebration of cock. The story goes that when King Francis I of Naples visited the objects on display in the Naples Museum, he was so shocked by their erotic content – he was there with his wife (although considering that they had 11 children together, she presumably knew what was up) and at least one of his daughters – that he ordered them locked away. For over a hundred years, the raciest pictures in the collection were kept locked in a “secret cabinet,” only accessible to to respectable men. These days, of course, the internet means that the wonders of Pompeii's collection of two-thousand-year-old porn are available to anyone at any time.
So what was the story with Pompeii? Why were there so many images of people fucking plastered – literally in some cases – all over the buildings? There are several different answers.
At least some of the art was basically a form of advertising. One of Pompeii's excavated buildings was a large lupanar – a “wolf-den” or brothel. The erotic art in here was probably intended to give visitors an idea of the services they could expect, or simply to get them in the mood. However, not every sexual wall-painting was a brothel ad. Early excavators assumed that explicit paintings were only found in brothels; this idea resulted in them classifying dozens of buildings as brothels until they realised most were ordinary homes or businesses.
So what is all this porn doing in ordinary Romans' houses? Apparently, they just sort of liked it. They didn't think of sex as obscene in the same way that later cultures did – well, it could be, but not necessarily – and often displayed sexual scenes on the grounds that they were joyful, funny, or … well … sexy.
Supernatural Dick Pics... WTF???
But Pompeii's amazing collection of dick art wasn't just there to amuse and arouse its viewers. The countless depictions of penises, either by themselves or attached to a figure like Pan or Priapus, had a supernatural value to the Romans. Priapus was a protective deity, believed to bring good luck and to protect people from harmful magic (the Romans dreaded curses and the evil eye; a wall painting in a Pompeii bathroom proclaims shitter, beware the evil eye). Many homes and businesses contained images of the god or of a phallus as a way of wishing fertility to the family or good luck to the house. Priapus also protected sailors, an important role in a port city like Pompeii.
So the next time you see a film set in Ancient Rome and everyone's looking all dignified and grim, just remember that the walls of their houses are probably covered in paintings of people fucking, and that they thought there was nothing funnier than a novelty lamp shaped like a dick with wings. It'll make them easier to relate to.
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Sexy September to all our Fuck.com Buddy Readers out there!
Summer is coming to an end, time to desperately save those hard earned summer tans and get ready for school, or work, or whatever it is you're up to this fall. 2016 has been packed with with awesome club nights, mind-opening workshops and tons of new things to try.
Keep up the spirit of learning with our book reviews, WTF History Lessons and a new glossary all about your bits- in case you don't have enough nick names. We'll also cover what to do with emotionally unavailable partners and plenty of other topics!
Going to be in London this month? Then check out our Top Ten Things to Fucking Do in the Events section to make sure you're at all the sexiest sex positive parties and expand your brain muscles and try something new at one of the various workshops.
Thanks for reading and stay sexy this September.
With love and consensual hugs,
The F*cking Editor
How old is old enough? Underage consent is a hot topic these days, especially for online communities where sex and porn are easily accessed with a quick fib in regards to birthday. What is being done? And more importantly, perhaps, what should be done?
Underage Consent... The Hot Topic on the Digital Table
Should we try to remove under 18s from our online communities?
Anyone who spends much time involved with the many sex-and-porn-focused subcultures on tumblr will probably be familiar with the problem: while it’s a perfect place for sharing sexual content thanks to its liberal TOU and excellent tagging system, it’s also a website populated by a lot of teenagers and they’re interested in your porn, too.
This clearly isn’t great. As soon as minors are involved in discussion of sex everyone gets awkward and freezes up a bit, and there are plenty of good reasons for that. Nobody wants to contribute to anything that could be damaging to someone else’s development or psyche, and nobody wants to be in a position where they can be accused of something unspeakable that they had no intention of doing.
Many people’s reaction to this has been a kneejerk blanket ban: banners at the top of their blogs loudly proclaiming that under eighteens aren’t welcome here and frequent insistences that they will block and unfollow not only anyone under the age of eighteen but also everyone who seems to support the inclusion of those people in our communities.
There are a few problems with this approach, however.
This isn’t the perfect approach to take, and there are three main reasons for that:
Problem #1: It’s a completely arbitrary age.
Problem #2: It doesn’t work.
Problem #3: Community is a vital part of human development.
The age of consent is 18 in much of the USA, but America is not the centre of the universe. In Australia, Canada and the UK, for example, it’s 16 - and Canada also includes a “close-in-age exception” essentially meaning that it’s perfectly legal for teenagers to sleep with each other if they want to. In Japan the age of consent is 13, and it’s set at 14 throughout much of Europe. In Bahrain it’s 21, and in Saudi Arabia all sex outside of marriage is illegal - but there’s no lower age limit on who you can marry at all.
What I’m saying is that this is a moving target. I first became involved in BDSM communities when I was 17, which here in London was perfectly legal for both me and my partners. It was a massively formative experience for me, and one that I’ve always been very happy to look back on and remember. The idea that anyone under the age of eighteen is totally incapable of being engaged with healthily on this level and then magically transforms into a mature and capable sexual being on their 18th birthday is patently nonsense, and there are always going to be outliers in either direction.
There is absolutely nothing we can do to keep under eighteens out of the communities we’re building here, either. It is triviality itself to lie about the year in which you were born, especially if nobody can see you face to face. It’s also not possible to pre-emptively block people from an open and public virtual space like tumblr, which in other ways is actually one of its major selling points.
So what should we do?
It’s patently obvious that we shouldn’t be encouraging adults to engage in sexualised discourse with teenagers on the internet; while there absolutely are cases when such relationships are perfectly healthy and legitimate, it’s still a bad idea to work from the assumption that they’re going to be.
I really do think we need to lay off the teens on tumblr a bit, though. This is the internet, after all: we have no real control over who reads the stuff we put out there, and trying to pretend that we can or should have that kind of control is ultimately fruitless.
Don’t aim your content at people under the age of eighteen. Make sure your NSFW blogs are marked as such so that they don’t turn up in search results when someone has Safe Search turned on. Use tags in an accurate and responsible way. Feel free to ignore and not engage with anyone you’d like to ignore and not engage with, for any reason at all. But please, guys: lay off a bit on the vicious, shouty, witch-hunty approach to people who in a couple of years time you’ll doubtless welcome with open arms. It’s pretty arbitrary, and it’s not helping anyone.
Abi Brown is a freelance writer and general pen-for-hire devoted to sexual deviancy, far-left politics and wearing too much jewellery. Find her at her website or @see_abi_write.
She's the biggest and best-known female superhero, and in 2017 she's finally getting her own movie– Wonder Woman is one of the most iconic characters in comics. But the story of the character is stranger and more complex than many fans know, and Wonder Woman is one of the few superheroes where the apparent kink of the comics is reflected in history.
WTF History Lesson #303: Wonder Woman History
Wonder Woman was the creation of William Moulton Marston, with some input from his wife, Elizabeth Holloway Marston, who is said to have proposed the idea of a female character. She first appeared at the end of 1941, following a trend of male heroes like Superman, Batman, Captain Marvel and Captain America.
She wasn't the first female superhero
– that honour goes to Fletcher Hanks' bizarre skull-faced jungle heroine Fantomah – but she was the first one to take off in a big way, getting her own comic shortly after her first appearance. Young readers enjoyed the adventures of the world's strongest woman, which contained not only thrilling fight scenes but oddball comedy and warm-hearted moral messages. Older readers also enjoyed the amount of time Wonder Woman spent chained up or wrapping people in her magical lasso, but that was just dirty-minded adults reading sexual content into a kids' comic, right?
Well ... maybe.
Unlike other superhero creators, Marston wasn't a professional writer or artist. He was a psychologist, a Harvard graduate who had contributed to the development of the lie-detector test. In 1940, comic publisher Max Gaines read an interview with Marston in which he claimed comic books had educational value; pleased at the idea of getting an expert's support, Gaines hired Marston to consult for his publishing firm and then asked him to develop a new superhero.
The rest is Wonder Woman history.
A closer examination of the history reveals some odd facts. For instance, the article in which Gaines read about Marston was written by a journalist named Olive Richard. Richard was, in fact, a pseudonym for Olive Byrne, a former student of Marston's who was actually in a relationship with the Marstons at the time. She was also living with him when she wrote the article. Byrne had two children with William Marston and continued to live with Elizabeth after Marston's death in 1947.
(There's a lot more to be said about Olive Byrne and Elizabeth Holloway Marston, both of whom had fascinating lives. Byrne was the niece of American birth control pioneer Margaret Sanger, while Elizabeth was a lawyer with an MA in psychology in an era where few women were working in either field. Comic book historians have called both of these smart, determined women “the real Wonder Woman.” Byrne even wore a distinctive pair of bracelets that may have inspired the Amazon heroine's.)
This unconventional relationship wasn't the only thing unusual about William Marston's views on sex. Far from being something kinky adults projected onto the story-
all the bondage in Wonder Woman's adventures had a deeper meaning for its creator.
Marston believed that people with “pep and unbound force” – men, mainly – needed to learn to enjoy submission to loving authority, and that this submission would ensure a peaceful future for mankind. And, of course, the best way to make loving submission appealing was to make it erotic – the “Love Allure” of a strong woman like Wonder Woman made submitting to her a pleasurable experience.
For Marston, therefore, femdom was not only a fetish but actually a way to world peace. Indeed, it may only have been a way to world peace. Although it's hard to know for certain, there's no real evidence to suggest that Marston himself was particularly kinky in practice. Marston died at the age of 53 in 1947, but profitable superheroes are immortal. Wonder Woman continued in the hands of other creators, who naturally introduced their own ideas and often downplayed what they saw as Marston's stranger views.
Wonder Woman history remains one of the strangest and most fascinating in comics.
If you'd like to learn more about Olive Byrne, Elizabeth Holloway Marston and William Marston, Jill Lepore's The Secret History of Wonder Woman is a great place to start.
Hey Fuck.com Buddies,
Wanna write for Fuck.com? We LOVE having guest authors! Send us a message and get featured on the magazine.
With love and consensual hugs,
The F*cking Editor
Basically every woman in the entire world gets hassled on the street at least occasionally. Catcalling is always annoying and creepy, sure, but have you ever noticed how it’s occasionally batshit insane? Whoever these dudes are, they certainly don’t seem very committed to making much sense. I’ve picked out a few choice favourites from the experiences of myself and my friends.
6 of the Stupidest Things Men Have Yelled At Me In The Street
1. "Yesterday's dinner"
A friend of mine, while walking down the road on her way to a house party, had the slightly peculiar experience of being told by a random passer-by that he could “see yesterday’s dinner”. She was wearing what she describes as ‘a particularly short skirt’ at the time, but I’m sure it can’t have been short enough to display her bowels. She was also wearing tights and knickers, and I’m reasonably convinced she did not have a speculum up her arse.
It's pretty typical for well-endowed women to be harassed by catcalling, but this just... wha??? Is it vague concern? Is it just you've got nothing else to say?
2. Sore back?
To the bloke who once shouted down at me from a scaffolding rig the immortal phrase “Bet your back’s hurting from those!”: if that’s what you’re thinking about when you see a well- endowed woman with a penchant for low-cut tops, I don’t think you’re as into tits as you profess to be.
3. "Sesame Street"
I’m pretty sure the bloke who shouted “Hey Sesame Street!” at a friend of mine who is over 6’ tall (and then, when she looked perplexed, clarified that she was “Big Bird”) was really pleased with his own cleverness. It’s a shame he’s clearly a fucking imbecile.
Because wearing clothing has so many opportunities for catcalling....
4. "What do you expect going out in that?"
See that photo on the right there? That’s me. Earlier on that day some bloke on the street had made a lewd comment at me, and I had yelled back that he should just fuck off because - well, because despite my better judgement I almost always tell them to fuck off; I can’t resist. He said, and I shit you not, “What do you expect, going out in that?” Please note that I am so thoroughly covered up in that outfit that you can’t even see my neck. All I can imagine is that he was really into hand skin.
My Mum was in a supermarket quite recently when a smelly bloke who didn’t have any particularly obvious redeeming features came up behind her and hissed “I bet you’re not as bad as you look...”. I was livid when I heard this tale, because
a) what the fuck does that even mean anyway and
b) THAT’S MY MUM YOU GOBSHITE.
And the catcalling most flabbergasting line goes to....
6. Cockteasing non-cigarette giving slag
Someone outside a train station once called me a “cocktease slag” because I wouldn’t give him a cigarette. This struck me as particularly baffling because it hadn’t occurred to me that the giving of a cigarette outside of a train station could be interpreted as a sexual act, much less the fulfillment of the promise made by the shortish skirt I was wearing over completely opaque leggings at the time.
Got some of your own bewildering catcalling lines you want to share? Please do, we all need a good laugh once and awhile.
Abi Brown is a freelance writer and general pen-for-hire devoted to sexual deviancy, far-left politics and wearing too much jewellery. Find her at her website or @see_abi_write.
A sunny hello to all our Fuck.com Buddies,
Another month has flown by. Filled with all kinds of sexy parties, tantric OMing workshops, and getting twisted up with new tricks like acro yoga and beginner’s shibari workshops. London is a busy place and there’s no sign of it slowing down anytime soon.
August will fly by too with more new tricks to learn (hint get out the vegetables, fruit and some grease), more classy shows to go to and loads of workshops! Keep up with our Top Ten Things to Fucking Do and never be bored again!
Make sure to break out some extra rainbow and sparkle this month for PrideRun 2016! Send us your best dressed (or worst dressed) shots from the marathon.
There will be also more WTF history lessons, culture reviews and Ask Abi is back again to answer any juicy questions you have about all things fucking.
Thanks for reading and enjoy August’s issue!
With love and consensual hugs,
The F*cking Editor
Have you ever taken nude selfies and posted them online? It’s a little scary, a bit of a rush, and (for those of us who enjoy it), empowering and exciting. Whether it’s self expression, a social statement, or purely to turn yourself and other people on, erotic photography is a powerful form of expressing sexuality.
For anyone who thinks that nude selfies are an invention of the 21st century, think again. Since the beginning of photography itself, we’ve been taking picture of naked people for a variety of reasons, many of them sexual.
The 19th century introduces wide scale photography and nude selfies
By Unknown - http://www.imagemakers.mb.ca/postcards/vintage/vintage1.html, Public Domain, https://commons.wikimedia.org/w/index.php?curid=4645761
In 1839, erotic photography, as we know it today, was born. Louis Daguerre presented a new form of photography, known as daguerreotypes, to the French Academy of Sciences. At the time, the nude body was used (officially) to help artists master their ability to capture the physical form. Photography was a new “art form” and so nude images weren’t uncommon. However, there’s a big difference between using an artist’s style and sensibilities to depict nudity and the full frontal reality of the nude form caught in a photograph. The latter is almost automatically more erotic.
Male Erotic Imagery: Male nude selfies and the (possible) birth of the dick pic
By Giovanni Dall'Orto - Online auctions., Public Domain, https://commons.wikimedia.org/w/index.php?curid=4672035
It should come as no surprise that men were depicted in erotic photography although the female form was most common. German photographer Wilhelm von Gloeden is recognized as the first photographer of nude men. He traveled to Italy and focused on Sicilian boys and men, both fully and partially nude, alone and together.
Celebrating Feminine Sexuality Before It was Cool-and female nude selfies
Source: Huffington Post
You may think that the in-your-face, over-the-top images you find online are unique and new in a world of social sharing, free porn, and overt sexuality. You would be wrong. Long before it was the cool thing, a photographer known as Monsieur X traveled to Paris to photograph sex workers in all their glory. Disease, abuse, and early deaths were common, but these women also formed bonds and became comfortable with their bodies in ways that most other women of the 1930s probably could not imagine.
20th Century Postcards: Send nude selfies- the post office will love you for it
Long before we started taking selfies, filming ourselves fucking, or sexting the one we want, erotic postcards were a thing. Common in the 1920s and 1930s, many of the images were tame by today’s standards, but not by much. Nude men, girl on girl action, couples, and women alone, among other subjects were about as common in erotic photography as they are now. What was old is new again.
Queen of the Pinups- okay they weren't nude selfies but close enough
With the quaint image we have in our mind about pinup girls, and how they compare to what we’re used to seeing in the 21st century, it’s easy to dismiss pinups as less than erotic. In a time when seeing a woman’s shoulder was considered inappropriate, the scantily clad or suggestive nature of pinup models was downright scandalous. Bettie Page, considered the Queen of the Pinups, was just as enticing in a swimsuit, little black dress, or (my personal favorite) when she was shown in fetish gear and kinky poses. No matter how you look at it, she could probably melt the hardest heart and turn the softest cock to steel.
Art imitates life, and erotic photography is often a stylish, air-brushed version of reality staring us in the face - especially in certain corners of the internet. But don’t think it’s a new form of expressing desire or sexuality. As long as there have been people with eyes to see, some of them (us) have looked for the erotic, the sensual, and the overtly sexual.
Kayla Lords is a freelance writer, sex blogger, and a masochistic babygirl living the 24/7 D/s life. Follow her on her website or on Twitter @Kaylalords.
The UK porn industry is in a sorry state of affairs
One of our readers asks Dear Abi: Why Are There So Many Goddamn Politicians In My Bedroom?
My partner and I have been thinking for a while that we’d like to get involved in the porn industry, probably as independent creators making and promoting our own stuff. We’re in the UK, though, and the more research I do the more I realise how difficult it is to stay on the right side of the law here. What’s with Parliament getting so involved in my sex life? Do you think it’s worth the risk, or should we give up on the idea altogether? What can we do to get some of these ridiculous bits of legislation changed to something more sane?
Someone who doesn’t fancy David Cameron even a tiny bit.
Dear Sane and Sensible Person,
You’re not the only one asking why there are so many goddamn politicians in your bedroom all of a sudden. A few years ago I started describing this generation’s general political atmosphere as “neo-Victorian”, and this is just another way in which I think we’re falling into an ever more backward-looking and reactionary pattern.
A little backstory for our readers: just over a year ago, Parliament quietly amended the 2003 Communications Act to ensure that internet porn produced in the UK adhered to the same censorous strictures as “hard copy” porn sold offline in DVD format. They also expanded those strictures while they were at it, thereby banning a wide range of things previously enjoyed by millions - including:
Spanking Caning Aggressive whipping Penetration by any object "associated with violence" Physical or verbal abuse (regardless of if consensual) Urolagnia (known as "water sports") Role-playing as non-adults Physical restraint Humiliation Female ejaculation Strangulation Facesitting Fisting I dunno about all y’all, but that list neatly encompasses pretty much my entire sex life. Not only does it essentially make it completely illegal to produce BDSM porn of any sort (notice how they’ve covered every imaginable base by not defining ‘physical abuse’ in any way), it also seems to have a particular hate on for specifically female pleasure - they try to pass facesitting off as a “life-threatening act”, but I have yet to see even such bullshitty justification for the inclusion of female ejaculation.
Even before this it was illegal for anyone in the UK to possess what they call “extreme pornography”, a term which seems at first glance to be defined reasonably (there are arguments to be had about necrophilia and bestiality porn, for sure, but I’m not particularly bothered if it isn’t legal) until you get to the bit where they make no effort whatsoever to define “serious injury” and explicitly include anything found by a judge to be “grossly offensive”.
It’s not just in the porn industry, either
I’m going to digress from your original question a bit here, S&SP, because there’s something related to it all that I think it’s important for us to talk about. You don’t hear about this often, but kink is still a mental illness in this country.
Europe doesn’t use the DSM-IV; we have the ICD-10 instead. It was written in 1990, and ICD-11 now isn’t due till 2018 - the initial release date was 2013, but they keep pushing it back and back. Some of the things defined as diagnosable mental illnesses (and therefore admissible in court) by this document include ”the wearing of clothes of the opposite sex principally to obtain sexual excitement” and “a preference for sexual activity that involves bondage or the infliction of pain or humiliation”. These things can be described as a mental illness by a medical professional if “the individual...acts on the urges”.
You can add to that the fact that teenagers are being threatened with prosecution for taking photographs of themselves doing things that are completely legal, not to mention that our own Prime Minister has repeatedly and consistently resisted all attempts by the rest of Parliament to improve the state of sex education in our schools - the one thing that might help to solve the problems that those photographs create. What we’re getting here is a pretty grim picture of how our authorities think about sex and what it means.
I’m not claiming there are no potential problems. The porn industry isn’t without its issues. There’s no denying that the availability of internet porn has changed the ways we think about sex as a society - and many of those changes are directly harmful to women, to people of colour, to trans people and to other marginalised groups.
The thing is, though, we can’t necessarily fix those problems by banning the things that cause them - what we need is reform. We need a porn industry that is led by women as much as by men, that includes trans people as something other than a niche fetish, that depicts a wide range of healthy and affirming sexual styles in a way that people enjoy and find something good in.
Instead what we’ve got is a porn industry where films following the deeply problematic old formula (a thin woman with augmented breasts and no body hair of any sort is approached by a strapping but mostly-faceless man with a large penis; they have conventional and highly objectifying sex; he finishes with a moneyshot) are the only kind it’s legal to make here. Our government seems to be doing everything it can to stop people like you and your partner creating the kind of material that could actually start to deal with the stuff they’re clearly so afraid of.
So what should you do?
This is a tricky question to answer, S&SP. If you’re just wanting to have some fun and make a bit of money, you’re probably best off either making stuff that’s clearly fine - which would be quite dull for most Fuck.com readers, I expect - or moving onto another project and giving this idea up as a bad job.
If you feel strongly about this, though, I commend you; so do I, and we need more people who care enough to start getting this changed. Your best starting point is probably to find out what prominent UK porn activists are doing already, and as it happens I know at least one personally: if you have a look at http://pandorablake.com/blog you’ll find out about all sorts of things you can do to get involved, some of which - like filling out a government survey to respond to a consultation - won’t even require that much of your time or energy. Her site DreamOfSpanking was the first to be censored when the new regulations came into force, and she’s been challenging that decision ever since.
Hello to all our Fuck.com Buddies out there in internet land,
Welcome to the brand spanking new Beta version of Fuck.com!
We’d like send out a big fucking (consensual) HUG to everyone who wants one. With fresh memories from the Orlando shooting followed by the love spread at Pride it’s just another reminder that diversity is what makes the world so fucking amazing.
Life Tip #1: Communication is the best lubrication
We have lots of new bits and bobs for you! We love getting into every nook and cranny of all the sexilicious places. Starting this month, Fuck.com will feature a new city every few months. Listing sex positive events and workshops in our ‘Happenings’ section and featuring special articles about that city. The lucky first city is swinging London!
Need a good conversation starter? Don’t miss our spankin’ new series ‘WTF History Lessons’. This is not your average history class. Fuck.com will be looking at dick pics from ancient times (sadly we’re not the first generation to send dick pics), ‘unusual’ ticks of famous historical figures, among many other delightful and surprising treats.
Want to know about a new toy or shop? Fuck.com makes it easy with more sex toy reviews and listings of where the all best sex shops are. Plus interviews with famous people and some not-so-famous people about fucking and lifestyles.
And of course we’ll have more from Abi! You got a question? Abi’s got an answer. Anything you’ve ever wanted to know about fucking- Abi diligently researches and responds in a style that only Abi can deliver.
As always Fuck.com is looking for writers and artists! So if you fancy getting your erotic short story or art featured on Fuck.com send us the goods and we’ll get it pinned, starred and hashtagged on Fuck.com!
Enjoy July’s issue!
With love and consensual hugs,
The F*cking Editor
Welcome the first edition of Fuck.com's WTF History Lessons! We're here to expand your brain muscles with little known facts about history. Giving you some good conversation starters (or stoppers depending on the situation). So take a stroll down memory lane with this little snippet about London street names...
With its businesses, universities, art and culture, London has attracted new arrivals from all over the world for centuries. And for centuries, like all new arrivals in a new city, they've asked themselves some basic questions: where's good to eat around here? Where can I find an affordable place to live? And perhaps most importantly: where's the party?
In the middle ages, there were no guidebooks – after all, most people couldn't read – and there weren't city maps. Street names functioned as a form of guide and advertisement rolled into one. Want to buy some silverware? You want Silver Street. Want to buy some fish? Fish Street. Want to get laid? Well …
London street names functioned as a guide book, in the days pre-giant-fold-out-tourist map or more recently smartphone app
Many of us think of the modern era as much more open about sexual matters than previous ages. Never before has sex been so slathered over advertising and social media. But although modern society may be frank about sex in some ways, we've got nothing on the medieval world that named a narrow street in Cheapside Gropecunt Lane.
You heard me: Gropecunt Lane. And it's not a typo, or a weird etymology, or anything like that. It's right next to Bordhawelane – that's “bordello lane” to you and me. Even stranger, it's a very common street name in medieval England. Lots of towns and cities have a Gropecunt Lane, often right in the centre of a busy market district. London actually had more than one. In most cases, they relate to prostitutes who worked in the area.
The Gropecunt Lane in Cheapside is a rare example of large-scale prostitution outside of Southwark. Southwark – the area south of the Thames – was a separate jurisdiction from the rest of London and in Tudor times was known as a haven for unlicensed entertainment. Renaissance society was different from ours, of course; in addition to the prostitution, Southwark also played home to entertainments that repel us today, like bear-baiting, and ones that seem completely respectable, like the theatre.
As the years went by London street names evolved with the times
But the days of Gropecunt Lane were not to last. Remember when I said that we see our own society as more open about sex than earlier ones? Gradually, sexual place names disappeared from most English towns. In London, a reorganised street plan saw the street itself vanish; in other towns it became Grope Lane, then Grove or Grape, or was renamed completely. By the Victorian era, the name was regarded as an obscene historical curiosity, not to be spoken of. Not that the Victorians didn't have prostitution, you understand – Victorian London had as many as 80,000 prostitutes. They just didn't like talking about it.
Victorian London street names cut the crass but keep the class
Only a handful of these dirty old names survive into the modern day, and in London they're usually the nicest: Love Lane is completely inoffensive, for instance, but the 16th-century writer John Stow explained that it was named after the “Wantons” who worked there. If you pay attention as you walk around London, you can still catch a few faded glimpses of the city's less-than-respectable past.
Sadly, the story that Threadneedle Street is a sexual euphemism is probably not true. It's probably named after tailors. But the sex version is more fun, isn't it?
Orlando nightclub, Pulse, and the LBGTQ community were shaken with last week's shooting. Celebrate the lives of those lost by going to an event near you.
In case you live under a rock, a mass shooting took place at the gay nightclub, Pulse, in Orlando Florida this past weekend. News stations everywhere have been lit up by global candle vigils and the faces of fallen nightclub attendees - many of which were young, LGBTQ, and not white.
Social media has been very loud about the different ways to support the families and loved ones of survivors as well as those who were not so lucky. There is currently a GoFundMe account seeking to raise $6.0M, and has already achieved raising $4,529,192 of that goal.
But there are other ways you can stand with the LGBTQ+ community - as a fellow member or supportive ally. At Pride Marches all over the world, people will be coming together to commemorate those lost at Pulse Night Club last weekend. If you’re looking for a more personalized way of helping those still with us heal (and reminding them of their strength!), then get out and march!
Pride Events in the UK:
Schedule: June 17th - Pre-Pride Party, June 18th - Coventry Pride and Walk for Pride, June 19th - Coventry Pride
Donate to Coventry Pride here.
Schedule: June 17th - Pre Pride Party and An Evening with Christopher Biggins, June 18th - Parade and Festival + After Parties
You can support York Pride by purchasing merchandise from their website.
Schedule: June 16th - The Pink Triangle, June 17th - Knees Up Comedy Night, June 18th - Parade
Donate to Portsmouth Pride not-for-profit here.
Schedule: June 22nd - Opening Party, June 23rd - Political Debate, June 24th - Pride Cabaret and Girlie Circuit, June 25th - Parade and Pride Village, June 26th - Ceremony of Remembrance
Make a donation to BeLonG To Youth Services to support Dublin’s LGBT youth population.
Schedule: June 16th - Pride Party and Gay Professional Network Event, June 17th - Pride Ride and London Lesbian History Tour, June 18th - Baltic Pride and Rooftop BBQ and Wine Tasting, June 19th - Pride Bottomless Brunch, JUne 20th - Secret Soho Saucy Tours and Nunhead Pride Minifest, June 21st - Without Borders LGBTQ+ Conference and Chipotle Fundraiser for Pride, June 22nd - Gala Dinner and iLove, June 23rd - Understanding Pathways of Social Change and Queer’Say, June 24th - Purple Pride and LGBTQ Tour, June 25th - Parade in London and Pride in Soho, June 26th - Pride in the Park and Trans Pride Tea Dance
Help Pride in London provide a support network for LGBT+ community members by making a donation.
Schedule: July 1st-3rd - various live performances and festivals
Support North Wales pride by buying tickets to their 3 day long event.
Schedule for July 2nd: 12-5 PM - Vendor Market and Support Groups, 2-8 PM - Live Entertainment, 8 PM - After Party at Louie’s Liquor Store
Help Huddersfield Pride grow by donating to their JustGiving campaign.
Schedule: July 8th - The Triangle, July 9th - Parade and The Bandstand, July 10th - The Triangle
You can buy your wristband needed to enter the festival here.
Have you ever watched a few minutes of porn, and thought, “I could do that?” But then, of course, you make the attempt at whatever pseudo-acrobatic sex position you have in mind, and one of you slips and falls, busts their lip, lands on the floor, or otherwise has a really awkward, and possibly painful, moment? Please tell me I’m not the only one.
Some sex positions are easy for almost everyone
Like spooning. Others, well, those require advanced training and the flexibility of an Olympic gymnast. Don’t let porn fool you. With proper lighting, multiple camera angles, and the ability to attempt positions multiple times, we could probably make these positions look sexy, too.
Sex in the shower
I admit I’ve had great sex in the shower - twice. Every other time? Well, we tried, and then considered it foreplay and moved our slippery, slightly bruised bodies to a bed. Between the size of the tub, the possibility of taking out a shower door, or, in my case, almost falling out of the shower through the curtain, it’s less sexy and more life-threatening than some would have you believe.
My partner and I are the exact same height. You’d think that would make penetrative sex in the shower easy. Actually, no. I clutch the rack that holds a wash cloth, or lean all the way over and put my fingers on the side of the tub. Either way, slipping is a given, but that’s only if the leg cramp doesn’t get me first.
Oh, I tried the blow job in the shower thing. It was sexy until we shifted and the spray ran over my face, choking me. We change positions, laugh it off as a funny moment, or avoid shower sex completely. But, foreplay in the shower is always an option. Smacks on the ass, fingered pussies, stroked cocks, and anything else that gets you worked up and ready for what you can do after you get out of the shower and back on dry land is a good option.
I’ve had sex bent over an office chair, the edge of the bed, a chest, the dresser, and the kitchen counter. In the heat of the moment, when it happens in a fit of passion, it’s too animalistic for anything awkward. Every nerve ending tingles. Orgasms are plentiful. And, at least for me, my throat is sore because I screamed so loud.
The rest of the time?
Think leg cramps, toe cramps (true story), a back that just won’t arch anymore, and the thought, “Can’t we just lay down?” running through my mind.
It all comes down to the height range between you and your partner. If you bend over, and you’re at the perfect level for a cock (real or strap-on) to penetrate, it might not be so bad - well, assuming you don’t get a muscle cramp. For the rest of us who don’t have that luxury? We’re practicing our acrobatics - and trying to find out how long we can stay conscious with all the blood rushing to our heads.
Positions that require balance and strength
All sex requires at least a little balance and strength, and certainly stamina. Then there are positions like the Plow Position or the Lustful Leg Position or Standing Missionary that need something extra - like Olympic-level training, 10 years of yoga mastery, or an upper/lower body strength most people simply don’t possess.
The closest I’ve ever come to anything like this is a position that requires my legs to be perpendicular to the floor, straight up in the air, pressed against my partner’s torso. He holds my legs up, angling my hips and ass towards him, and fucks me while holding my legs up. We’ve tried it a few times. Again, it’s one of those that if you’re in the throes of animal fucking and passion, you don’t feel the leg cramp or the muscle strain.
The last time we did it, we couldn’t hold the position for more than a few seconds. He’s a pretty strong guy, but I’m out of shape enough that I couldn’t really help him out. It was much easier for him to push my legs across my torso, expose my body completely, and fuck me hard. It was better, too.
Anyone who finds these positions intriguing should test them out. Or make upper body strength a new goal so you can maneuver you and your partner into position. But go into it with a sense of humor and a willingness to move to a a flat, non-life-threatening position. Just because you see it done in a video or image online, doesn’t mean it’s easy, and just because someone tells you it’s the best new position to try doesn’t make it right for you.
Sex is sometimes sensual, erotic, fulfilling, and passionate. But it’s also awkward, funny, and filled with weird noises. If you come across a position that’s more of the latter than the former, don’t feel bad. It happens to all of us.
Kayla Lords is a freelance writer, sex blogger, and a masochistic babygirl living the 24/7 D/s life. Follow her on her website or on Twitter @Kaylalords.
Top 10 of sex records and sex related records:
1. Biggest human penis
The biggest penis every medically recorded was an incredible 14 inches long and over 6 inches wide. It is not known who was the owner of this impressive weapon but the doctor who measured it was actually called Dick(enson). It is not known how long the penis was when it was erect as this is its ‘resting length’.
If having a big penis gets you into the list of sex records, then this needs to be on it too:
2. Smallest human penis
Having a small penis is a condition known as micropenis. This is an incredibly small penis and the smallest one on record measures only 1 cm in length. Like the owner of the world’s biggest penis, the owner of this one is also anonymous.
As we are talking about sex records in penis size...
3. Biggest number of children fathered
Ismail Ibn Sharif is the holder of the record for the largest number of children. In the 1800s, he is recorded as fathering just over 1000 children. This was to 500 of his wives. This record just goes to show that a little sperm goes a long way. It is not known if the record holder eventually went bankrupt from buying all of those birthday presents.
4. Most births
For most women, having one baby is hard enough but what about having many multiple births? In a village near Moscow in the 18th Century, a simple rural woman gave birth nearly thirty times, each of which was a multiple birth. She actually gave birth of four sets of quadruplets. That’s 16 children in just 4 births!
5. Biggest animal penis
When it comes to the biggest animal penis there are a number of contenders, depending upon your perspective on this matter. If you are considering the biggest penis of any animal, the whale has a penis that is 3 metres long, with a radius of 15cm. The Hippo also has a big penis, measuring over 50cm. However, some shellfish have penises that are more than forty times their body length. In human terms, a penis of this dimension would be over 600 feet in length!
6. Worlds’ oldest prostitute
A German prostitute who goes by the name of Chiu is reported to be the oldest in the world. She sees a number of clients who like older women. However, she does charge a lower rate than many of the other prostitutes in the area, apparently.
7. World’s biggest orgy
Another impressive example in the world of sex records is the world’s biggest orgy that occurred in Japan. Where 250 couples made love at the same time in a huge warehouse. Despite claiming to be the world’s biggest orgy there is some dispute over this record as the couples were only having sex with each other, and not with other couples. Some people regard this as the world’s largest public sex event.
8. Biggest gang bang
Lisa Sparxx had the world’s biggest gang bang when she had intercourse with over 900 men in one day in 2004. This was a new record. Miss Sparxx (with 3 xs) wishes to repeat the performance with even more men (and maybe some women) involved in the action.
9. World’s oldest father
An Indian villager became the world’s oldest Father, producing a child when he was 90 years old. He must have a lot of stamina.
10. World’s strongest vagina
Yes, you read that correctly. The last one in our list of sex records: A Russian woman, called Tatiata can lift heavy weights with her vagina. She is able to lift 14 kilograms of weight using her vaginal muscles alone.
photo by avrene via Flickr under a CC BY 2.0 license.