Around the time that my husband and I started exploring kink and polyamory, I also stumbled upon the sex-positive community. I went to a conference called Catalyst Con where I met amazing people doing amazing things. At that moment I knew I wanted to contribute to the chorus of voices preaching the sex and body-positive gospel. It took me a couple of years to figure it out, but eventually found my voice thanks to a friend. She suggested I combine my favourite things, burlesque and talking openly about sex, and making people laugh. That’s when Sex Ed A Go-Go was born.
Our show runs on audience participation. The bulk of the show is spent answering anonymous questions from the crowd honestly and off the cuff. So our topics vary wildly from show to show. In the beginning, I tried creating theme shows, but the audience would ask questions about everything except that subject, so I stopped. Now I tend to steer the crowd by choosing mailbag questions (questions sent via email or twitter), and I pick those to compliment the special guests and what their strong suits are. In between the Q & A bits, there’s go-go dancing. It helps to loosen up the crowd, and it's sexy as hell.
I sure do. LOL. I work in a sex shop when I’m not teaching or hosting the show. I’m a slutty, queer, polyamorous woman of colour and I am very proud and vocal about all of those things. My husband and I have been open for six years and polyamorous for almost four. The sex-positive movement has become something I live. I see the life I live as a beacon of permission to those still struggling to live the life they want to. That’s why I keep putting on shows.
I’m very public about my lifestyle and sexuality. My career began on Twitter sharing micro-erotica. I would share stories about my sexual adventures. That turned into me talking about my journey into kink and polyamory. Honestly, it’s been very freeing. I’ve had a few weird moments, but not many. I contribute that to the fact that I've been very careful with my private information. The fact that I talk about EVERYTHING to everyone means there’s nothing to threaten me with, unlike other educators and performers. I have the privilege of living a life where I don’t need to worry about my job finding out about what I do or my family because they all already know. I know not everyone has that.
Yes, I believe it does. When you can’t express your true self because doing so could destroy your life that does something to you. We live in a world that would rather accept you cheating on your partner over you having an open relationship. Kink and swinging, polyamory, etc. aren’t shown as viable lifestyle options. This approach causes a lot of folks to carry around a lot of shame and self-loathing. When you feel like the things that make you feel good, also make you a broken person. That’s a dangerous way to feel.
Living your truth is never easy. It’s a hard road, but it leads to something beautiful. People always ask me if I had the chance to go back and knowing what I know now would I open my marriage again. The answer will always be yes. It was worth every tear, every argument, every moment of struggle to be where I am now. My only regret is that I didn’t make the leap sooner.
Don't waste your life yearning for something that’s only out of reach because you can’t or won’t be honest with yourself and the people in your life. It’s not worth it.
During the last five years, Dirty Lola has shared her distinctive brand of kickass body and sex-positivity and her personal journey into the kink and polyamorous lifestyles with the masses. Lola has presented at Catalyst Con East and during sex week at Baruch College. She is also co-emissary of Sex Geekdom NY. Find her on Twitter as @DirtyLola, Facebook as Lola DirtyLola, and behind the counter at Shag Brooklyn. For her offstage adventures, check out her blog.
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Sienna Saint-Cyr writes erotica and blogs about kink, poly, body image, and most things relating. Follow her on her website or on Twitter @siennasaintcyr.
All images: Dirty Lola
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