How can masturbation also be foreplay? Rubbing one out when you're by yourself, lonely for company, need to sleep, and haven't had an orgasm in a while might be the most common stereotype of a masturbation experience, but let me assure you, there's so much more.

 

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In my own relationship, as a masochistic submissive to a sadistic Dominant, masturbation takes on whole new meanings.

 

He may have me edge myself several times in a day. In case you wondered, edging is masturbating to the brink of an orgasm - and then stopping. Yeah, you really have to get off on control and minor amounts of pain for that one.

 

He may have me masturbate and text him pictures of wet fingers or a wet spot on the bed. For the record, this is one of my favorite options. I'm often still wet and horny hours later when we finally go to bed.

 

Better yet, he may do it for me, just before he's ready to fuck me. Of course, depending on his mood, it may or may not result in a mind-blowing orgasm. Edging for long periods of time and prolonging a climax practically guarantees an explosive orgasm later.

 

It's not all about the control with us. Sometimes, we play with ourselves as much as each other once we manage to be alone. In fact, in the name of science (okay, trying out new sex toys), we've masturbated, side-by-side, using different toys.

 

What's my point? Masturbation isn't just for the lonely, single, or sexually frustrated

 

It absolutely has a place in any healthy relationship, and it can definitely be part of foreplay.

Foreplay isn't just something you do in the 15 minutes before tab A meets slot B. The best kind of foreplay is something that starts well before a sexual encounter and immediately starts over again once you've had sex - and maybe a nap. Foreplay isn't just the way he fingers her, or she strokes him, or she licks her, or he rubs him. (Is it getting hot in here? Whew!) It's everything you do to get each other hot and ready, including masturbation.

 

In a power exchange dynamic - whether a one time deal for kinky fun or if you're into BDSM like I am - whoever has control can command their partner to masturbate for them. You might be surprised how erotic this is. As the one masturbating, you'll have to get over any inhibitions you have about being watched. You'll see the gleam in your partner's eyes as they witness your desire. They'll know the exact way you stroke yourself, just how your toes curl, and the moment your eyes roll back in your head.

 

Maybe you just want to play. Masturbating each other is equally hot

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Stroking your partner's cock or fingering your partner's pussy until they climax is a perfectly good way to get the juices flowing. It's insanely intimate. Typically, most couples do that for each other just before penetration but you can give each other pleasure without penetration. Keep doing that thing with your hand and fingers that they like so well. You probably won't even notice that no one got fucked.

 

Bring out the toys!

 

Who says adults can't play with toys anymore? Play with yourself. Play with each other. Then when you can't stand it anymore, toss the toys to the side and go at it like wild monkeys. Although, I do recommend remembering to turn them off first and clean them well later. By the time you're a hot, sweaty mess from your toys, falling into one another for a good fuck is almost easy. I can guarantee you'll sleep well that night.

 

Masturbation has so many uses in a healthy sexual life - relaxation, sleep, learning your body, self-pleasure. Don't let anyone tell you that only lonely, desperate people jack or jill off. It definitely has a place in long-term relationships and other sexual encounters. When done right, masturbation as foreplay can prolong your pleasure, cause bigger orgasms, and even replace penetrative sex (for at least a little while). Masturbating for or with your partner is smokin' hot!

 

Kayla Lords is a freelance writer, sex blogger, and a masochistic babygirl living the 24/7 D/s life. Follow her on her website or on Twitter @Kaylalords.

 

© Erika Lust and Jo Naylor /Flikr

 


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