My boyfriend and I recently read an article about dogging, and now he wants me to go with him and try it out. At first, I told him no, but the idea keeps popping back into my mind. If I'm honest, the thought of people watching us having sex does kind of turn me on but what if it is nothing like I imaged? I don't want to make a complete fool of myself. Am I crazy to be even thinking about doing this?
Yours, A Tempted Girlfriend.
Dear A Tempted Girlfriend,
The original definition of dogging was people (usually men) spying on couples having sex in a car. The name came about as these men would 'dog' local beauty spots/secluded car parks waiting for couples to turn up that they could then watch. However, over the years it is an activity that has grown in popularity, and the type of activities it involves has increased to often include group sex and gangbangs as well as voyeurism and exhibitionism. There are no hard and fast rules though, so what happens will differ depending on the people who attend.
You mention liking the idea of being watched when having sex, which is a big turn on for a lot of people, but you don't say anything about some of the other practices often associated with dogging such as having sex with strangers. Because what happens when couples go dogging can be so varied, I think the most important thing you need to do before anything else is talk with your partner about your thoughts, desires, expectations and more importantly, your boundaries. After all, you don't want to go dogging expecting to have sex in a car then find out your partner wants you to have sex with a stranger*. Knowing what you both want to get out of this experience is key to this being a happy experience for you both.
You also want to do some research on local dogging hotspots. There are quite a few swinging websites that list sites in the UK. My advice would be to look through those listings and do as much research as you can into what each one is like as with most things they will all be slightly different, and the more you know, the better chances are you will end in a location that suits you. I would also recommend making a profile on one of the swinging websites and see if you can get chatting to other couples who go dogging as they will be able to give you useful information on where to go.
Make sure you both get what you want out of your dogging experience.
Once you've done all that, then if you're both still excited about the idea, the next step is to venture out. My advice would be to agree together that your first trip will be about looking and not doing at this stage. That will give you an opportunity to go together as a couple and get a feel for what it might be like. Hopefully, you'll come away from that experience wanting to do more, but if not then it is vital that you agree with your partner beforehand that is OK too. Dogging is not something you want one or other person to feel pressured into doing.
Of course, if you do still fancy the idea of being watched or watching but the sex outdoors thing seems a bit intimidating then try a swingers club instead. Many people go to swingers clubs just to watch or be watched; there is no obligation to have sex with other people at all so if dogging turns out to be a bit intimidating then I would highly recommend hunting down a local swingers club.
So do I think you are crazy for even thinking about this? Absolutely not! Being watched and watching others has always been a big thing for me and finally plucking up the courage to do it was an amazing experience, and one I would encourage anyone to try at least once if they feel turned on by the idea.
Do your research, talk it through thoroughly with your partner, agree on your joint boundaries beforehand and then hopefully you will discover together a new and exciting side to your physical relationship.
(*Always remember to practise safe sex especially if you are planning on having sex with strangers.)
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Looking for sex tips or relationship advice? This is the right place! Sex columnist, photographer and sex blogger Molly Moore gives her best advice
Looking for sex tips or relationship advice? You've come to the right place! Sex columnist, photographer and sex blogger Molly Moore responds to a
Looking for sex tips or relationship advice? Fear not! Sex columnist, photographer and sex blogger Molly Moore's sex column is here to help. This