I am currently dating, well trying to at least. I have been on many dates and some of them even repeat dates, but when it comes to anything more, they reject me. A friend of mine recently said to me that she thinks I am too nice to women. She feels that if I was a bit more 'bad boy' then I might have more luck. I enjoy being in control in the bedroom and being dominant but that is not something you bring up on the first date. I don't know what I am doing wrong, and it is starting to get me down. I guess my question is: what do I need to do to be more of a bad boy?
Bad boy Wannabe
Dear Bad Boy Wannabe,
I am sorry that dating has been challenging for you. Movies and books lead us to believe that it is a case of just getting out there and we will quickly find the right person. The boy meets girl love story is after all everywhere, but it rarely happens as it does in the movies. The truth is that it often takes a long time to find the right person. So please don't be disheartened by your experiences so far. Try to look at them in a new light. Working out the people who you don't match with is an essential part of finding someone with whom you do click.
I don't know you well enough to know why your friend said that you are not bad boy enough. I do suggest that you talk to her some more about what she said. Ask her to explain what she means by the words 'bad boy' and what it is you do that makes you 'too nice'. Hopefully, that conversation will give you a better understanding of what she means. Then you can better gauge whether you think she is right or not. However, I do wonder if maybe she is telling you that because she is looking for a bad boy in a partner. In which case this is not helpful to you as she is projecting her desires onto you and your situation. I would urge caution in taking on board what she has said.
You mention liking to be in control in the bedroom, but you seem reluctant to share that information with your dates. I assume you have an online dating profile. I would suggest that sharing something about that on your profile might be a good idea. The key to finding someone that you click with is open and honest communication. That should start right from the beginning. Writing a good profile that reflects you truthfully gives possible partners an idea of some things about you from the start.
I don't think you need to be more of a bad boy. What I do think is that you need to be more confident about yourself and what you want. Starting with your profile but also when it comes to your dates. Listening to your date is vital and just polite. But you should be confident in who you are and show that to someone new. Show your style, share your interests, activities and personality. After all one person's bad boy is another person's nice guy.
I do wonder if the fact that your friend says you are too nice means that you are a bit shy and quiet. Perhaps you are happy listening to your date but don't necessarily share anything about yourself. Is it possible that the reason your dates have not carried on has nothing to do with you being too nice? Perhaps it has to do with you being reserved, and not whether or not you are 'bad boy' enough.
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