His profile says he’s 27, but that’s probably more relevant to the amount of hair on his head. His photo might be of his cousin, or even his son, you’ll never know. He’ll talk like his younger siblings do on Facebook; ensuring ‘lol’ is said enough, but not too much. He might even have the same interests as you, but you’ll have to tell him first so he can agree with everything you say. The complete and utter bullshitter is just one of the many types of people you’ll meet on Tinder. Oh true love.
It may have been fine to have a cartoon character as your profile picture in the days of MySpace or Bebo, but back in 2014 you’ll be ridiculed for not having at least one selfie to show for yourself. And why oh why would I want to see a photo of just your dog? Get out. You’re not being mysterious, you are just being creepy.
They might be as nice as pie, but they’re super keen to come and pick you up for a “couple of drinks” and they aren’t smiling in a single photo. Is he/she looking for their next victim? ‘Why would you upload a photo like that?’ you wonder. Wonder no more, swipe left and count yourself lucky that you’re not locked in a box somewhere. Unless you’re into that kinda thing.
They think they’re being cute, posing with their sister’s puppy or cuddling a cat on the sofa. But in EVERY photo? Really?
Rather than just ask how you are, they’ll open the conversation with a weird and wonderful question or scenario that will tempt you to reply. ‘I’ve won the lottery and want to whisk you away and buy you a villa in the sun, pack your bags’ oh I wish. Although ever so slightly creepy, even for Tinder.
You might have swiped right by accident, or your best friend did it for you, but now they just won’t get the hint. They’ll send a polite (and very unimaginative) ‘hello’ and continue to send alternatives in the hope of a reply. Hello. Hey. Hows you. U ok. Alright? Hi… And thisو my friendsو is why the ‘block’ button was invented.
Please refer to number six and extend it… This is probably the worst of the people you'll meet on tinder. However, this person will bombard you with anything in the hope of making you wet. They might offer you pictures of their cock, or send their phone number immediately for some “sexting” if you’re lucky. They might even give you a play by play of what they want to do to you, or what they’re doing to themselves right now. Creep.
They open the conversation with "Hey! Just downloaded this? How does it work?" They've probably been using that same line for months. He or she is by far the least interesting person you'll meet on Tinder.
This person is probably an Instagram whore. They talk about “leg day” as if it’s a national holiday and only drink protein shakes. Don’t bother going out for dinner with them unless they only serve saladو and be prepared to discuss carbohydrates as you demolish a burger. Most of their photos are probably in gym mirrors and flexing their ‘guns’ at any given moment.
Every photo is a group shot making them look extremely popular and sociable. Of course they’re the life and soul of the party. They probably don’t even have time for Tinder they’re out on the town that much. But you’ll never know what they actually look like because half of the people in their photos are in every one, making it impossible to see who you’re talking to.
You've spent far too long on Tinder and you’re getting too used to swiping left… And then you seem THEM. They’re hot. You want them in your bed. Or on your face. But NO. You swiped left. By accident. So you quickly swipe right to try save yourself and end up saying yes to a complete minger. Now the world feels like it’s ending.
Sex columnist, photographer and sex blogger Molly Moore responds to a man who feels guilty about getting aroused after getting a
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